Ep 7. Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

Alan (Jon Cryer) and Walden (Ashton Kutcher) experience the wonders of a Japanese toilet while on a shopping trip for Alan's divorce-preparation business. Meanwhile, Jake (Angus T. Jones) abandons school for an unfiltered life on the streets.

As the episode opens, Alan pitches his newest business idea to Walden, a divorce preparation service. He envisions a service that would help men get everything in order before their divorces, from finding a new apartment to getting their affairs in order. Walden agrees to invest, but insists on accompanying Alan on a shopping trip to pick out office furniture.

At the store, Alan is drawn to a fancy, high-tech toilet from Japan. Walden is skeptical, but Alan insists that it's the perfect addition to their office. The two friends begin to argue, but are interrupted when they receive a message from Jake. He has decided to drop out of school and live on the streets, and he wants Alan to wire him some money.

Alan and Walden rush to Jake's location, but are unable to convince him to return home. Frustrated and exhausted, they return to the office, where Alan proceeds to gush over his new toilet. He explains how it has features like built-in bidets, heated seats, and even an option to play soothing music. The two men experiment with the toilet, marveling at its advanced features.

While Alan and Walden are preoccupied with the new toilet, Jake tries to navigate life on the streets. He quickly learns that it's not as glamorous as he thought, and he struggles to find food, shelter, and a sense of purpose. Meanwhile, Alan and Walden are interrupted by a group of potential clients, who are put off by the fact that the office is literally just a toilet showroom.

As the day goes on, Jake becomes more desperate for help. He contacts Alan and Walden again, but they are too preoccupied with their toilet to really listen. Finally, Jake meets a homeless veteran who offers him some sage advice. The veteran tells Jake that he needs to stop trying to be something he's not and embrace who he really is.

Meanwhile, Alan and Walden are still arguing about the toilet when they receive a call from Alan's lawyer. It turns out that he has made a mistake and Alan is actually entitled to a much larger settlement than he initially thought. Ecstatic, Alan and Walden rush to celebrate with a fancy dinner.

At the restaurant, Alan begins to reflect on the day's events. He realizes that his obsession with the toilet was a distraction from Jake's problems. Walden agrees, and the two men set out to find Jake. They eventually track him down and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Alan and Walden admit that they've been too wrapped up in their own concerns, but they reassure Jake that they're always there for him.

The episode ends with Alan and Walden returning to the office, where they finally put their new toilet to good use. They reminisce about their crazy day, and Alan admits that he's grateful for the wake-up call. Walden agrees, and the two men agree to make more of an effort to stay connected to the people in their lives.