Ep 12. Love Conquers All - Almost

Captain's Log...stardate unknown (because I'm too hung over to read the frecking chronometer).Lugging a giant load of cocoa-butter skin cream was going to make me some handy extra cash, but Bob let go of the cream too early. He prematurely let 'er fly straight into a star, leaving me totally unsatisfied. Financially speaking.Fortunately, I had a plan: I decided to invent a fake reality show, invite Darph Bobo's daughter Babette and Commander Adam's son Adam 12 to be "contestants" and make them fall in love. Their families would stop being mortal enemies, the Confederation and the Dark Clowns would cease their cold war and I'd earn the Peace Prize and the million kronigs that go with it.I couldn't believe no one else had hit upon such a sure-fire scheme.Making use of my preternatural gift for lying my ass off, I manipulated both teenagers into coming aboard my ship. My crew then locked them in my private quarters. The two teen twits quickly got busy ignoring each other. I broke the ice for them by pointing out that if they fell in love, it would royally piss off their parents.They were soiling my sheets in no time.When Bobo and Adam found out their brats were knocking boots, they both threatened to kill me if I didn't split up their kids. Too late: In a hormone-fueled haze of passion, our pathetic paramours had run away.In an amazing display of coordinated effort, the Dark Clowns and the Confederation found the two kids in record time. Unfortunately, I got dragged along for th...