Ep 11. Emasculating Chode

Captain's Log: Whip's sixteenth birthday and umpteenth hissy fit. Like every other punk-ass kid I've ever met, Whip dissed the present I gave him for his sixteenth birthday. (What self-respecting teenager doesn't want a paint-by-numbers kit? Sheesh.) He slouched off to his room to sulk, then opened a spam e-mail from Darph Bobo. My old Dark Clown nemesis yanked Whip through his computer, all the way to some dirtball planet ? where Bobo strung him up over a vat of flesh-eating Melties and gave me a call.Bobo insisted that I beam down to a precise point on the planet's surface. Yeah ... like that wasn't a trap. Not being an idiot, I beamed in above Bobo and pummeled him with my toned physique. We fought an epic battle, and ? just as I was about to jam his floppy shoes right up his flabby backside ? he cheated and sliced off one of my tentacles. Cackling like a mental patient, he scooped it up, grabbed Whip, and escaped.Sure, I went through a period of minor depression after losing one of my male appendages. What red-blooded he-man wouldn't? Besides, I was really using all that time in my room to ... uh ... formulate a plan. I let T'Nuk take command for a while because I ... um ... wanted Six and Gus to appreciate me more when I returned. No, better answer: I wanted to teach them a lesson. Look, it doesn't really matter, okay? And I wasn't impotent, so don't even think it; when Six stopped by in her French maid's outfit to cheer me up with sex, I only kicked her out because I wa...