Ep 6. Aliens Abduct Road Rulers!

A full moon illuminates the night as Kefla strolls into the Winnie and discovers the latest clue. Several issues of the "Weekly World News" are fanned out, each sporting an alien with an over-sized cranium on its cover. The headline states boldly, "ROAD RULERS TO PROBE AUSSIE ALIEN ABDUCTEES!" Further details indicate that the group's mission is to expose the abductees' intergalactic nightmare. Christina utters seductively, "I love aliens." Maybe we don't know everything about her. Shayne mentions that "the group fund is pretty much squat." They need cold hard cash, and they need it now! So off to Noosa Heads they go. A little navigating takes them to their latest stop, a lovely two story lodge where parrots will eat right from your hand. But we can't spend the day feeding wildlife, now can we? We have a mission to complete! The Rulers travel to the "Weekly World News" offices and are greeted by a member of the staff. He elaborates on their mission, "We have some people here who have been contacted by space aliens." Uh-huh. "I want you guys to go speak to them, get their stories." Looks like they're going to be tabloid reporters for a day, complete with the tools of the trade (meaning cameras, tape recorders, and notepads for you non-journalists). The Rulers are divided into two teams that will earn a compensation of $600 for working for the paper. However, if the story is good enough to run in the publication, that team will receive an additional $600. Not bad for a day's work. With the deadline just 24 hours away, they tackle the assignment. Time to split up into teams. Not always a task that's fun. "There's always pressure over who's going to pick you," Piggy sighs. Kefla, Susie, and Piggy head off in a mini-van. Piggy wants to win... bad. Susie thinks it's not a win/lose proposition. After all, both teams might get published. But Piggy still sees it as a competition: if one team doesn't get their story in the paper, that team LOSES. Piggy plans their strategy. Maybe they should share their own alien experiences to make the abductees feel at home. She questions Kefla rather bluntly about what alien experiences he's had "apart from being a black dude with a bunch of white people." A typical Piggy moment that doesn't sit right with Kefla. "It's a lot of stuff that she talks about… It's not cool. It's just not cool at all. She does things that get on my nerves." At the site, they meet David and Kelly, their subjects. David shows them the magazine they produce covering topics such as the hoax of the moon landings. It turns out that Kelly herself was abducted. Marks were even left on her body, "a rare occurrence" as she puts it. I would hope so. Team Two (Shayne, Chad, and Christina) meet their subject, Carlo. He leads them into the backyard, where the action took place. He explains that a very large tree had been taken down and left on the ground. Three days later, he discovered that this massive log had vanished. And? And that's basically it. A log is missing. Wait 'til the environmentalists hear about this. Christina asks the obvious, "Why would the aliens just take a log?" Hmm… Team One continues to be regaled by Kelly's story of her extraterrestrial encounter. All Kefla can think is, "Damn, this lady is crazy." David shows them x-rays of an implant in a nose. Kefla takes some pictures, winding up the session. Shayne's group also concludes their interview. After all, there's only so much information you can gather on a missing log. They thank Carlo for his time, and take off (just like the log). Back at the lodge, Piggy, Kefla, and Susie struggle to begin their article while munching on burgers. Reporters have to eat too. Team two decides to interview some of Carlo's neighbors. One such neighbor admits the area has a high ratio of UFO sightings. However, he also admits that the area has the "highest incidence of pot smokers." This is all starting to make sense. Another neighbor wonders, "After they put a penetrating probe up your backside, why didn't they just throw you out into space?" Piggy and Susie set-up the computer on the balcony -- or should I say battlefield? Since an all-out war over word usage and correct grammar immediately ensues. Everything Susie writes, Piggy changes. A frustrated Susie remarks, "It wasn't even worth putting in my two cents." Kefla makes some inspired suggestions, getting them back on track. Team Two moves swifter, Chad starts the article, Shayne and Christina finish it. The morning of the deadline arrives which means time for a dose of Piggy and Chad tension. Piggy uses the word "dubious" in a sentence, a word that the normally infallible Chad doesn't know the meaning of. (It means "doubtful" in case you're dubious of the definition.) Piggy seizes the opportunity. When Chad gets a glass of water, she asks him to use the word in context with the water. He decides to ignore her. At the "Weekly World News" offices, their stories are examined and faxed to Lantana, Florida, the headquarters of the paper. To kill time, the group heads off to lunch, without Piggy. At the cafe, they discuss Piggy's frequent emotional explosions. They want to deal with the problem before it gets worse. On the way back, Christina prays to a higher entity that her story will be published. And then the news: both stories were accepted, thereby proving the existence of God. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Piggy and Chad have a quiet, private conversation. He explains to a tearful Piggy that she's irritating everyone. Piggy states she doesn't understand the problem. Chad walks away, leaving her alone to ponder their feelings toward her. Being abducted by an alien would be less painful than this…