Ep 8. Grumpy Goats, Goofy Gang Members and a Gorgeous Girl

Everyone's little buddy, actor Bob Denver, rescues our cast from their three day tour on a food-free deserted island. Back on dry land, Denver hands over the next clue; message in a bottle. It's a note from Oscar's baby sister: come home to Puerto Rico! Oscar is wetting his pants as everyone boards the plane for that mythical land, Puerto Rico; where life is always perfect, right Oscar? We'll just see... The jet lands, and Oscar is the first to de-plane. He drops to his knees and kisses the ground. Well, the tarmac. Yuck. The kids pile into the Winne and motor over to Oscar's papy's pad. The large all-white home is in a swank gated community; very nice. Oscar's pops greets everyone at the front door and it's bear hugs all around. Erika notices that Oscar's father sounds just like him. So that's where he gets it... In the kitchen, Oscar points out all the delicious dishes that his step-mother has prepared for them. Makes you hungry lookin' at it. Oscar makes everyone smell the simmering beans. Will everyone smell them later, Oscar? Our cast moves into the back yard to grab a seat at one of the tables next to the gorgeous pool. Papy plays waiter and delivers the kids their dinner. What service! A posse of Oscar's compadres pile through the front door. Jake takes one look at the boyz and decides they are "suburb brats who want to look like hoodlum-rasta-gang members." Vince agrees, "they look like the gang members I've seen in Florida." Can we all say SHELTERED LIFE? All the kids start drinking, and I don't mean Snapple. Oh, brother. You can cut the racial tension with an automatic weapon. One of Oscar's little buddies is no Gilligan. This punk just can't stop mackin' on Kalle! He keeps hovering behind our blond bomb shell, grabbing his crotch. Maybe he's just adjusting his baggy jeans; we can't tell. Next thing you know, this kid plops down in a chair right next to Kalle. She does her best to ignore the come-on, which isn't hard since she doesn't speak Spanish and the boy ain't speaking English! What about Jake you ask? He is fuming. He pulls Kalle aside, "if he crosses the line just give me the word." Like what are you gonna do, Jake? Fight off a pack of beefy guys on their home turf? Luckily, Kalle doesn't "give the word." What is the word, anyway? Finally, our very wise Erika pulls Oscar aside and clues him in: you better say something to your buddy before a fight breaks out. Oscar pulls the dude aside and tells him to back off; his fellow Road Rulers come first. Wow! Everyone is really impressed with the Puerto Rican Prince. Oscar has proven his love and respect for his travel mates. Bonding is beautiful. Next morning, a messenger delivers the next clue; directions to a place on the sea, clear on the other side of the island. The cast motors on over. The owner of the bungalows explains that free rooms are available if the cast can complete three requirements: milk a goat, eat an egg roll, and throw a penny in a well. Get busy. Huh? Scavenger hunt! The kids pile into their Latin Winne and start searching. But the Chinese restaurants in Puerto Rico don't serve egg rolls. Jake says he'll take care of it, don't worry. So next, our favorite fab five drive all over hell trying to find a goat. You'd think it would be easy. No chance. Most of the goats they find are either half dead or have the wrong genitalia. They finally locate a mama goat whose thingy is sagging with milk. This is the first action Vince has gotten since leaving home. Got milk? Got milk! The Rulers run back to bungalow gal and show her the milk. She doesn't believe it's from a goat. What?! How dare she. Vince says smell my hands. She does, and pee-eew! Now do you believe me? Jake rolls a raw egg across the counter-top, pops it in his mouth, and munches. Voila! An egg-roll. The search for the well continues. Oscar takes the van off-roading through the jungle in search of this old hole-in-the-ground. What was that thud? Why aren't we moving? Are we... Yes, we're stuck. The back wheel of the van is buried in the sand. The kids try to get the van unstuck, but it ain't happening. As the sun starts to set, they begin to hike back to civilization. Along a stretch of lonely blacktop, our cast come upon a tow truck parked at the side of the road. Can you say divine intervention? Jake pleads with the driver to tow them out of the sand. The driver asks are you Christian? Jake says no, I'm not personally. Remember he's a NJB; Nice Jewish Boy. The driver tells Jake that he doesn't know what he's missing. Oscar takes over the negotiations; he could really save their souls if he just gets our car out of the sand trap. Convinced of divine intervention, the old driver decides to be a great Samaritan. He revs up his rig and yanks the van out of the sand; for free! Praise Jesus! On top of that, he points the kids to the well; ten feet that-a-way. There it is. Why were you hiding? Oscar, Jake, and Kalle each throw a penny into the well. Kalle squeals, free rooms! The weary travelers settle into their new beach-front hideaway. It's really nice. You'd love it. Who wouldn't? Oscar asks if he can have the private room. The travel mates agree; Oscar has been so helpful today, he gets the deluxe suite, with the big bed! Jake takes it one step further and says Oscar, you can sleep on my head. Vince beats that; Oscar, you can sleep on my ass cheeks! Is that a mint on my pillow or just a zit!