Ep 3. I Didn't Raise My Pig to Be a Soldier

Oliver Douglas is a New York attorney who has left the city along with his sophisticated wife, Lisa Douglas, to start a new, simpler life in the country. They've bought a farm in the rural town of Hooterville, where they are still adjusting to life in their new surroundings. Their neighbors include the ditzy Hank Kimball, the incompetent county agent for agriculture, and Eb Dawson, a young farmhand who seems to be a bit slow.

In "I Didn't Raise My Pig to Be a Soldier," Oliver and Lisa find themselves at odds when it comes to their prized pig, Arnold. Lisa has grown attached to the pig and its charming, laid-back personality, but Oliver sees Arnold as nothing more than a source of income. When Lisa suggests that they should consider entering Arnold into the county fair's pig competition, Oliver is hesitant. He argues that Arnold isn't a show pig and doesn't have the muscle tone or agility necessary to win such a competition. Lisa, however, is determined to prove him wrong and decides to train Arnold herself.

Meanwhile, Eb has joined the National Guard and is being sent away for basic training. He's got a few days left before he has to report for duty, and he's worried about leaving his family and the farm behind. Oliver is sympathetic but doesn't really understand Eb's plight. He suggests that Eb should be proud to serve his country and that the training will do him good. Eb is skeptical but goes along with it.

Back at the farm, Lisa continues to train Arnold, but her methods are more about pampering than conditioning. She treats Arnold like a human, dressing him up in clothes and giving him bubble baths. When Oliver sees what she's doing, he's horrified. He tells Lisa that she's spoiling the pig and that Arnold will never be able to compete in the county fair if she continues to coddle him like this. Lisa is offended and accuses Oliver of not understanding her love for Arnold.

The day of the county fair arrives, and tensions are high. Eb's family is missing him, and Lisa is worried that Arnold won't be good enough to win the competition. Hank is as clueless as ever, and Oliver is just hoping for the best. When Arnold finally makes his appearance in the show ring, the crowd is surprised by his appearance. He's wearing a hat and jacket, and he's clearly been doted on. The other pigs in the competition are more muscular and lean, but Arnold is clearly the crowd favorite.

As the competition progresses, it becomes clear that Arnold isn't going to win. He's too slow and too fat to keep up with the other pigs. Lisa is devastated, but instead of giving up, she decides to bend the rules a bit. She sneaks Arnold a hotdog, hoping that he'll perk up and show some energy. It doesn't work, and Arnold comes in dead last. Oliver is furious at Lisa, accusing her of sabotaging their chances. Lisa is upset and accuses Oliver of not understanding her love for Arnold.

Later that day, Eb returns from basic training, and the whole town is there to welcome him back. Oliver is still angry about the pig competition, but Lisa is thrilled to see Eb. She hugs him and says how proud she is of him. Eb thanks her but seems distracted. He tells Lisa that he's glad to be back but that he's worried about going back to training. Lisa listens sympathetically and tells him that he's brave and strong and that she's sure he'll do fine. Eb smiles, clearly feeling better.

In the end, Lisa and Oliver make up, and the whole town gathers for a barbecue in Eb's honor. Arnold is there too, still fat and lazy but loved all the same. Lisa cuddles him and tells him that she's proud of him, even if he didn't win the competition. Oliver rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything. The episode ends with Lisa and Arnold walking off into the distance, happy and content in their own little world.