'The X Factor' Results Find Out Who Made the Finals! Recap

After Wednesday's performances, the finals could be anyone's game. And if we've learned anything from the voting habits of the "X Factor" audience to this point, it's that you'd be better off trying to get Nicole Scherzinger to shut up for a second than trying to predict how the audience will vote.

The four remaining contestants (Josh, Melanie, Chris and Marcus) come out and do a mash-up of "No Diggity" and "Shout," and everyone's pretty checked out.

Seemingly none of them know when to start or stop singing, or have a solid grasp of the lyrics. The best thing about it, though, is Josh's complete disinterest in the entire number. To say he looks bored would be a gross understatement. At one point, he actually checks his fingernails. Not kidding.

The clip package recapping last night's action is accompanied by footage of "supporters" of the various contestants reacting to commentary from the judges. At times they jump up and down and scream, as if getting positive feedback from the judges means anything. Cute.

Florence + The Machine is up to perform, because apparently this show decided that a musical guest with some talent might be a good idea. Nice! They introduce her, though, as being "Grammy nominated" with "4 million albums sold worldwide" and "over 85 million internet hits." What? We're counting "internet hits" now? Do they mean YouTube hits? Visits to her Wikipedia page?

Anyway, the performance is pretty good. Definitely worth at least a few more "internet hits."

Another clip package highlights the remaining contestants: Marcus is "the complete package," Chris is "original," Josh "emotes," and Melanie is "like drinking warm honey." That last creepy comment was courtesy of LA Reid. Thanks!

First results follow shortly after, and reveal that Chris Rene and Melanie Amaro are through to the finals. Chris does his little secret handshake/salute with LA, and Melanie jumps up and down in minor excitement. So Josh and Marcus have to wait until after Nicole Scherzinger performs to learn which one of them will go through, and which one will go home. I think we all know how this is going to go.

Nicole, after weeks and weeks of watching all of these other contestants hog the spotlight as if the show was about them or something, finally gets to stand on stage and have everyone give her their undivided attention! Yay for you, Nicole! Show us all of your exaggerated arm-dancing moves!

It's all worth it, though, for afterward when they go to Simon Cowell for some comments on the performance, and he does his impersonation of Nicole's judging: "I believe in you, you believe in me, you transcend the universe, god is smiling on you, life is a waterfall, and you are the ultimate rainbow." Spot on, Simon!

Marcus and Josh come back out, and Steve Jones notes that "these are not necessarily the bottom two." So Josh isn't necessarily the one with the second-lowest votes...because clearly he's going through.

That is, in fact, the case, as Steve announces Marcus as the contestant who is going home. It's refreshing to see a contestant old enough to realize that this isn't the end of the motherf**king world, who doesn't collapse to the ground crying. He's good-natured as always as he makes his exit.

So there you have it: Josh Kracjik, Melanie Amaro and Chris Rene are the finalists, one of whom will win $5 million next week. Who will it be? Hell if I know. Those voters are crazy, man.