'True Blood' Season 5, Episode 6 Recap - 'Hopeless'

Anyone else wishing we could just go back to the days when things were simpler, and we were mostly just focusing on vampires, and there were only three different storylines each episode? Yeah, me too. Each week is making my head hurt a little more. But, here's what happened in Bon Temps in "Hopeless," by character:

Sookie/Jason:

The scuffle with Russell reveals that there were wolves down there, which are what snuck up behind Sookie. The fight is over quickly, though, as Sookie blasts Russell and the Authority bursts in and apprehends him.

Sookie is sent packing by Bill, who pretends to glamour her but really just gives her some life advice that amounts to "forget about me and live your life, and also try to stay away from vampires, they're not very good for you." Alcide, on the other hand, actually gets glamoured by Eric, which includes being told that Sookie repulses him. Sookie fixes that later (we think), and Alcide is off to challenge JD, the pack master.

Sookie, seemingly finally alone for a second, is summoned by Jason, who keeps having dreams about their parents. With Sookie's help, they get back into the fairy club and run into Claude, who starts to reveal some information. Sookie loses her cool, though, and threatens to do her little fairy blast, but ends up with a face full of zap from the other fairies there.

Jessica/Tara:

The brawl continues, and Tara actually holds her own. Pam breaks it up eventually, but admits that she's "proud" of Tara, adding that it's more of a owner-dog kind of a proud. Jessica goes to sulk, while Hoyt sidles up and starts laying it on that she still cares about him (fair assumption). Jessica seems disgusted by Hoyt's desperation, and who wouldn't be? He looks ridiculous.

The two get in a tiff and Jessica storms off with Hoyt yelling after her. Why do people even go to Fangtasia anymore? There's some kind of loud argument or violent altercation every night.

Later, Hoyt is nearly killed by a vampire in an alley when those supe killers show up in their van and blast the vamp dead. Whoever they are, they recognize Hoyt. And they are selling the whole Obama mask thing by yelling "yes we can!" apparently.

Lafayette:

Lafayette's participation in this episode takes all of 30 seconds, as he finds his mother in the hospital (she had a seizure, apparently) and she tells him that Jesus loves him. Both his dead boyfriend and the actual Jesus. She also reveals that Don Bartolo has to do with all of Lafayette's problems, so he'll be busy with that for a while I'm sure.

Terry/Patrick:

Terry and Patrick watch the Ifrit pretty much toast Heller, then take off. Terry is rightfully freaking out about the whole thing, but he's at least good enough to go to Arlene and come clean about it. She's takes the whole smoke monster thing in stride, but mostly because she thinks it's from Terry being off his meds. Apparently vampires, fairies, werewolves, shapeshifters, witches and ghosts are acceptable, but Arlene doesn't believe that curses exist.

Sam/Luna:

Speaking of shapeshifters, both Sam and Luna are alive, and doing remarkably well for two people who just got shot. I guess wooden bullets do less damage to one's abdomen. Luna sort of gives Martha clearance to care for Emma, at least for the time being, and Sam sets off to figure out who that gang of murderous Obamas were.

He enlists the help of Andy, and the two head to that weapons shop. The clerk is apparently a little trigger happy, as when Andy starts questioning him about how much of the wooden ammo he sold, the guy pulls out a gun. Sam's super senses allow him to anticipate the move and shoot the clerk with a crossbow. Poor Sam Trammell actually has to say something along the lines of "I could smell that he went into survival mode." Ouch.

Bill/Eric:

With the capture of Russell, Bill and Eric are sent back to the Authority's headquarters, where they are greeted with applause and Roman's excessively tight polo shirt. Those iStakes are removed, and my hope that we won't have to hear about iStakes anymore is fleeting, as Roman orders one to be put on Russell for his execution.

Said execution goes poorly, however, as the iStake fails to work (but Apple products are so reliable!) and it looks like Russell is at least mostly recuperated. He throws Roman onto the table and starts to stake him... but something strange is happening. Roman's face begins to contort and morph, and we're left with Norah being all weird in her cell and talking about a miracle. Is Lilith going to show up now? Expect more crazy next week.