'True Blood' Season 5, Episode 10 Recap - 'Gone, Gone, Gone'

Hey, whaddya know... take out the crazy Ifrit and witchcraft storylines, and "True Blood" is actually a pretty good show, even in this craziest of crazy seasons. In fact, things have been boiled down to just three or four storylines, and our characters are starting to inhabit the same locations. Yaay, no more jumping around all over the place!

Hoyt and Jessica:

This was the best storyline of the episode. Why? Because there was actual emotion involved, as opposed to pontificating or revenge-seeking. Hoyt comes to a conclusion after his crazy ride with the Obamas, and summons Jason and Jessica to Merlotte's for a chat. It's there that he reveals to them than he is moving to Alaska to be an oil rig worker. That's hard enough for Jason and Jess to take, but the next bit goes straight to the heart: he wants Jessica to glamour him and make him forget about them both.

That makes for a very tearful scene as Jessica reluctantly obliges, and Jason watches his best friend completely forget about him. Jason even manages to flag down Hoyt later (well, he pulls him over actually), which only makes it worse as it's clear that not only does Hoyt not remember him at all, but he's also happier than he's been in a long time.

This sort of seems like a cop out for Hoyt, though I can understand the temptation. Would you really want to forget about your best friend and your first love completely, though? Hoyt just lost whole chunks of his life, chunks that he might have learned from. And later, when it doesn't hurt quite so much, he might have really liked to reunite with Jason, or even Jessica, just to catch up. Coward's way out, I say, and a crap ending for Hoyt after a crap season of character development.

Jessica, meanwhile, ends up getting summoned by Bill to the Authority, where a whole bunch of crazy is going down.

Pam and Tara:

Elijah tells the two that they need to start making more money through the bar, and also that there's going to be a procreation mandate of 30 new baby vampires in their area. That's the last straw for Pam, who tells Tara that the two of them are going to ditch the bar and run. Tara has other ideas, however, and just beheads Elijah with a broadword. Pam is impressed.

The Authority:

Newlin is still pitching for the AVL and covering up the Authority's involvement in the bombings, which are taking their toll on the vampire community. Meanwhile, Bill and Salome are busy dealing with the fallout of Molly and Eric's failed escape. That unfortunately involves staking poor Molly, who barely even got any screen time. Not sure why they put her in a bra for the execution, though. I mean, besides the obvious.

Eric is given another chance, as Bill force feeds him with Lilith's blood, and gives a drop to Norah as well so she can trip with him. The two of them see Godric first, though, who tells Norah that she's being a crazy bitch, in so many words. However, Lilith then shows up and tears Godric's head clean off. She always finds a way to be covered in blood, doesn't she?

That's enough to change Eric's tune, but it's still tough to say if he's just playing along. He does go so far as to call a truce with Russell and apologize for any past transgressions between their families, so that's some pretty strong commitment to the lie, if it is one. Russell begrudgingly accepts.

However, that truce might be off as Russell is clearly getting antsy hanging out and covering "education reform," as he puts it. He brings up the idea of securing some fairy blood to the group, suggesting that they could breed fairies or synthesize their blood so they could walk in the daylight. Salome counters that fairies are an abomination and their blood is forbidden, because Lilith says so, because apparently that's in the Bible.

That prompts Russell to get up on the table and basically say "fuck all y'all," except he brings out his old accent to do it. That means he's serious, people. So now he's off after Sookie. Again.

Sookie:

Speaking of Sookie, she finds herself face to face with another threat when she answers the door late at night to find Mike, the coroner, outside. She rather dim-wittingly invites him in, and of course he's been turned and attempts to eat her. That's when she stakes him with the chopsticks that came with her Chinese takeout. Awesome.

With Jason's help, Sookie finds the thing under the bed that Gran was talking about: an ancient scroll with strange markings on it. "Who's the smart one now?" Jason asks as he discovers the loose floorboard hiding the box.

The answer is clearly not either of them, as they go to a language specialist first. Did they really not think at first glance that this might be written in a fairy language? How is that not the most obvious thing ever?

Anyway, they finally bring the scroll to Claude, who hands it off to an older fairy named Merilla, who says that it's a contract. It reads that John Stackhouse promised the first fairy born in his line to a man named Warlow (sound familiar?). No fairies had been born until Sookie, so that means she has someone other than Russell after her. Unless Russell is Warlow. We'll see.

Notes & Quotes:

- Chopstick stake!

- "Almost. It chafes the nipples."

- "I don't approve of the state, but it's good for a boy your size."

- Oh god, the "Teenage Dream" in the background of that Russell/Newlin scene.

- "Why does my wife name her toes?"

- Two amazing Jason moments in this episode: one, when the dude in the bar runs out with his fries and they fly everywhere, Jason manages to nab one and put it in his mouth. Two, when Jason is talking to Sookie in his room, he picks up a teddy bear and looks under its apron. OF COURSE HE WOULD DO THAT.