'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham Releases Ear Murder

If you’ve lately been thinking, man, ‘you know what I hate? My ears. I really need to find a great way to punish them,’ than I have your solution, and then some.

“Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham has released her first single, called “On My Own,” off her new album My Teenage Dream Ended.

I’m not sure, based off the parenting she’s been receiving, when Abraham’s daughter will learn to read fluently (34?), but I’m thinking at some point she’s going to figure out that her mom named her first musical venture after how having a child ruined her life. Hopefully the single will bring in enough to pay for some pretty heavy therapy down the road.

Experience the video below, if you dare. I literally made it less than 30 seconds in, so for all I know, Abraham kills and eats her little girl in the ending, and her teenage dream goes on as planned.

After half a minute of home-shot shaky clips of her cute daughter Sophia running around on the beach (because running around in traffic like usual probably wouldn’t make a great shoot), the singing began, and I was too busy wiping off the blooding running from my ears to pay attention.

What few lyrics I heard were just awful overall, but it’s my understanding that the song goes on to talk about how Sophia, (how dare she!) managed to ruin Abraham’s great and awesome life by crawling, unaided, into Abraham’s uterus and stealing her youth.

The autotune, thankfully, covers up most of the actual singing, but Abraham’s voice comes off more like a little girl with a cold singing into a Halloween voice disguiser than anything else.

I don’t recommend watching this video unless you want to test your pain threshold. I do, however, recommend you send it to as many guileless friends as possible so you can laugh later at their misery, and watch them age before your eyes.