So, 'Hello Kitty' Isn't a Cat, According to Her Creator

Just in case you weren't confused enough already by Japanese pop culture, here's a serious curveball: Hello Kitty isn't a cat.

Yes, perhaps one of the most iconic cartoon characters in the world has been misunderstood for years, as discovered by anthropologist Christine R. Yano. When going over a script for this year's Hello Kitty-con with representatives from Sanrio, the company that created Hello Kitty, she was given a life-changing note.

"That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."

Holy s&%t, right?

Other startling revelations included the fact that Hello Kitty is actually British, her real name is Kitty White, and she's a perpetual third-grader.

This raises so many questions. Does she live in a world of other cat-like people, or is she the only one of her kind and shunned by those around her because of her freakish appearance? Why doesn't she age? Is it a pituitary gland thing, or was she cursed by a witch? Is she wearing a mask and is actually just a regular human underneath?

Everyone, please take a long look at the cover of your sixth grade notebook and let us know if you come up with anything.