'Ringer' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap - 'If You Ever Want a French Lesson...'

This week the most prominent Ringer in “Ringer” belonged to the mysterious assassin’s cell phone Bridget carried around all episode.

It’s her only clue as to who might be trying to kill Siobhan but unfortunately Bridget’s detective skills are not much more advanced than her “Dexter”-body-disposal skills. Without a body to shuffle around at random the episode is much less fun, although it does finally show signs of forward momentum on the continuing mysteries.

Holding the cell phone that belonged to the disappearing dead hit man, Bridget decides to put herself on the case of getting to the bottom of the conspiracy to kill Siobhan. She also wisely calls Malcolm, who is one of the few people with common sense on this show.

However, moments after they hang up, Malcolm is taken captive by the scary Macawi, the man after Bridget. His face is so craggy and rough the creepy Native American figureheads on Bridget’s buildings look warm and cuddly in comparison. Poor Malcolm must be seriously rethinking how into Bridget he is seeing as how he spends the entire episode being beaten up and finally injected with what looks like heroin. Pretty bad news for a former addict and current sponsor. Will he finally be giving up Bridget’s location to Native American Tommy Wiseau? (Point for anyone who got that reference to the greatest movie of all time “The Room”.)

As Bridget begins to Scooby around her husband Andrew starts to look more and more suspicious.  If only she had Willow and Xander to help her figure this out! Sadly, she only has ballet obsessed Gemma and Siobhan’s old day planner with the card of a famous divorce attorney. The attorney seemed to think that Siobhan was afraid of and maybe even abused by Andrew. Also that he was cheating her out of some major money on a property that Andrew claims is worthless.

 It doesn’t help that Bridget finds the picture the hit man was carrying on Andrew’s desk. Why this seems like such a red flag, I have no idea. It’s not like it would be impossible for anyone else to have this picture. Bridg, did you check Facebook? What if that was your sister’s profile picture? She jumped pretty quickly to “gonna kill me”, that’s all I’m saying.

When Andrew finds out Siobhan/Bridget went to a divorce lawyer, he’s pretty mad. But that’s not the end of his very bad day because his partner Olivia is stirring up trouble with Henry and Gemma. Henry wants to tap into his Gemma-shaped piggy bank and take his money out while Olivia sees the couple as a stepping stone to Gemma’s richer parents.

Henry freaks out on Andrew after Olivia very obviously lets this slip to Gemma and Gemma shuts that mess down. Henry, as a poor person living off his wealthy wife and banging the wife of the man he is currently yelling at for not allowing him to take out money that is not even his, is by far the biggest douchebag of the episode. And that’s winning out over a guy that tried to order Four Loko in a classy Paris hotel.

Bridget is also trying to track down those behind the cell phone but if you thought she was much more effective at complicated detective work than she is at body disposal you would be mistaken. After a creepy horror movie-esque phone call (the call is coming from within the park!) Bridget decides the only one she can trust is Agent pretty eyes. Or can she? Looks like she just used him as leverage against whoever that creepy party attendee from last week is working for. Still, it puts Agent Machado on her case even more than before so not exactly a pure win for her.

Is Siobhan’s husband trying to kill her? Probably not, Bridget decides after visiting the crappy property and seeing asbestos notices everywhere. She seems to be forgetting that the lawyer, whose job it would be to know these things, pretty clearly told her the property actually IS worth money. At least the not-at-all-damning picture issue is resolved when she finds out that very unique picture of Siobhan and Andrew was in fact their Christmas card. How not at all shocking.

She finally gets into the super fancy dress Andrew bought for her, which looks like something Blair Waldorf might wear if she was going to a black-tie funeral, and apologizes to Andrew. They patch things up for now, but who knows if he’s as wholesome as he seems?

Over in the city of lights, Siobhan is just lounging around bar areas being professionally awesome in diamond-encrusted jackets so sparkly you could hang her from the ceiling like a disco ball. She is waiting for some poor schumuck who just wants an off-brand Four Loko type drink. He’s somehow tied into Andrew’s company but we don’t find out much more than that because Siobhan gets nauseous about halfway through the macking. Whoops! Looks like Siobhan just found out she’s got a bun in the oven. I hope they make those giant sparkly outfits she likes in maternity wear.

What did you think of the episode? Who’s trying to kill Siobhan? And what is Siobhan’s plan? Sound off in the comments!