'Ringer' Season 1, Episode 18 Recap - 'That Woman's Never Been a Victim Her Entire Life'

This week’s “Ringer” was wildly uneven, managing to pack in a lot of edge-of-your-seat moments and revelations with an equal amount of boring conversations in hospital rooms. Even though we found out huge information bombs like Henry’s unwitting murder of Tyler and that it’s Bridget, not Siobhan the shooter was gunning for (pun fully intended) the hour still dragged.

After last week’s action-packed episode, “Ringer” unwisely chose to slow the pace down to give the audience a breather with the characters. But let’s be honest, likable characters aren’t the reason we’re still sticking it out with “Ringer”. At least for this recapper, the appeal of “Ringer” lies almost wholly in its intense melodramatics and twisty shocks and they were spaced too far between in this outing my for liking.

Also, while confided to a hospital bed Andrew was unable to find any creepy shadows to lurk in, making him at least 90% less interesting than last week. I don’t know what it is about this series that makes me perpetually root for all the characters to turn out to be serial murderers. We find out that Andrew wasn’t as interestingly diabolical as I had hoped, and then I softly snored through the rest of his love declaration scenes with Bridget. Man, nefarious Andrew was so great. Remember how the lights would dim any time he walked into a room so he could find an appropriately spooky patch of shadows to emerge from, like a British vampire? I miss those days.

Machado is still off investigating things and being super psyched about mattering once again on this show. Still, the funnier aspect of this episode is that Bridget’s driver Solomon manages to be a better investigator than Agent Pretty Eyes has been all season. Solomon just shows up, immediately assesses every situation and figures out what’s going on. I hope when the season (series?) ends in April we find out that Solomon was behind everything. We could just see a shot of him in a huge wingback chair, petting a cat and laughing like the “Inspector Gadget” villain.

The clue Solomon does end up finding by using the oldest notepad-pencil trick in the television book ends up sending them on a wild goose chase after Olivia. Especially when they think that she has kidnapped Juliet. Turns out Juliet, afraid of moving to Miami with her psychopathic mother, is just hiding out in another Martin property. And she would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that ugly beanie hat! Juliet finally comes clean to Bridget about the “Wild Things” scheme while begging Bridget not to tell Andrew. So there’s another thing on Bridget’s already packed dance card to deal with.

Meanwhile Siobhan convinces Henry she’s not a psychopath by doing something crazy. Henry is so touched that she would really reveal her secret to Andrew that he welcomes her back with open arms. I would complain about how stupid Henry is but a.) if you’re still watching the show I don’t need to tell you that and b.) I’m afraid nothing gets through that thick, lustrous mane of 70s porn hair anyway. Henry of course has his own secret to hide, which is that he accidentally killed Tyler. Twist!

It’s all in vain because he stupidly gave away the flash drive with all the evidence to his father-in-law, who is probably at this moment shacked up with Olivia somewhere selling Henry’s demon children to the highest bidder. Because on “Ringer” why not?

Another body turns up with Malcolm’s ID but it’s not Malcolm, it’s one of Macawi’s henchmen. This means that the bullet was actually meant for Bridget, not Siobhan. You mean looking exactly like someone means you might be mistaken for that person? What a crazy concept!

Other important things we learned this episode of “Ringer”:

- Was I the only one who yelled out “OH COME ON” when Siobhan was almost uncovered at the hospital? First, it’s convenient that Juliet had just magically gone missing so Andrew didn’t ask Bridget what Henry pulled her out of the room to talk to her about. Second, it’s a good thing the twins have similar fashion sense and were good enough to wear almost identical black coats. I’m so glad it looks like Bridget and Siobhan finally come face to face next week, because it’s getting a little ridiculous now.

- Hey, Henry’s kids are still alive! I mean, probably. We didn’t actually see them, although we did hear their creepy disembodied laughter upstairs. I’m glad Henry is fighting so hard for his new family with Siobhan, because he’s certainly father of the year material already.

- I’m not worried that Malcolm is dead because we all know that “Ringer” is unsatisfied unless it kills a character multiple times. I’m sure there’s an episode coming up where Malcolm, strapped to a chair, will be shot five times directly in the face but will still manage to live until the end of the season when he’ll get hit by a bus.

What did you think of this week’s episode of “Ringer”? Were you let down it wasn’t as action-packed as last weeks? Are you excited that it looks like Bridget and Siobhan will finally meet? Sound off in the comments!