'Orphan Black' Season 2, Episode 1 - 'Kidnapped' Recap

"Orphan Black" is back, baby! The storylines are only getting more complicated as we go along, so here's a recap of what happened to each clone during the season two premiere:

Alison

Oh, Alison. You are the best thing to happen to this show. Never change.

Alison is in a musical at the local community theater, and while her sort-of murder of Ainsley hasn't solved her monitor issue, it has given her the lead role! So that's something.

Alison is visited soon by a very high and assless-chapped Felix, who has a special request: He and Sarah need a gun so that Sarah can confront Rachel and get Kira back. Alison, luckily, has a contact named Ramon who works at the local Econo-Mart, who also happens to sell illegal drugs and untraceable firearms. Because Alison is the best.

Cosima

Cosima is still putting her trust in Delphine, at least somewhat. But she hasn't quite accepted the DYAD's offering yet, even though her symptoms are worsening. However, that decision might be made for her by Sarah...

Sarah

We first see Sarah running through the rain, trying to track down Kira. When that fails, she stops in a diner, only to be confronted by two strange men who take her gun away from her and try to take her in. The way too helpful owner of the diner puts a shotgun slug in one of the men, but not before he takes a bullet to the head. Sarah only just manages to escape.

Convinced that she's being tracked by DYAD through her cell, Rachel ditches the phone. RIP pink phone. But Sarah quickly hatches a plan: Since Cosima is at least in decent standing with DYAD, she'll impersonate her and slip inside and...figure something out from there. Who knows what. Sarah isn't much of a planner.

But thanks to Sarah's impeccable con skills, she does sneak in and fools Leakey...though Delphine sees through the act. Still, Sarah manages to confront Rachel, who lays a major reveal on her (and us): She didn't kidnap Kira and Mrs. S. In fact, she wants them back as much as Sarah does. Sarah, refusing to believe her, knocks Rachel right the eff out and manages to convince Paul to let her go.

So who was behind the kidnapping, then? Well, if Rachel is to be trusted, and if Art is correct, it's the Prolethan cult...the same guys who confronted Sarah at the diner, and the same guys who brainwashed Helena.

And speak of the devil...

Helena

Everyone's favorite Ukranian clone nutcase is still alive! Yes, Helena somehow survived that gunshot wound (she seems to have some serious superhuman strength) and dragged herself to a hospital, where one of the Prolethean dudes is there to watch her. Big twist!