'Onion News Empire': Pilot Recap... Worth Watching?

In a surprisingly funny bit of comedy, Amazon has released “Onion News Empire,” an original series that folks can stream through Amazon Prime. The pilot episode is available free online in an effort in draw in new audiences.

So, is it worth watching?

The show follows The Onion News Empire, a powerful media, lumber, computer, and fake Christmas tree manufacturing conglomerate that is struggling with ratings. Head honcho Helena Zweibel (Laila Robins) informs twice-husband Ed Musgrove (William Sadler) that he needs to get the network a ratings boost, and fast, or she’ll send him to do the news in Latvia where the number one  hobby is sadness.

Poor Ed, who has a numb liver, recurring bat rabies and only one lung, rallies his troops together and sends them out for stories.

New reporter Sam West (Christopher Masterson), who dreams of being a top news anchor, is dismayed to find he is sent out to interview a man about being old. However he notices that a Bull’s Milk energy drink factory is pouring leftover energy drink into the water supply. He breaks the story without permission.

Ed informs him that Bull’s Milk is their head sponsor, and now the network may be ruined. Sam is fired.

Anchor David Bryant (Jeffrey Tambor), in the meantime, sends an assistant for dirt on another anchor, Cameron Grey (Cheyenne Jackson), who stole what would have been David’s eighth consecutive Gimmee Award. Abigail spies on Cameron and discovers he is illiterate.

David uses the chubby girl the network kidnapped (to boost ratings) in a scheme to get Cameron to read, pretending she is his blind niece. He video tapes it, and threatens to reveal the truth. He takes Cameron’s Gimmee Award.

Put-upon help Jillian (Aja Naomi King) steps in and reminds Sam that the news isn’t about facts, it is about telling people what to think. In a hail-Mary move literally putting her life on the line, she puts the camera on Sam, and Sam twists the story about Bull’s Milk into a positive.

Bull’s Milk is satisfied, as now 10 mayors of large cities want the energy drink pumped into their water. Sam gets his job back and a pat from Ed, but sells out Jillian and takes full credit for the story.

Helena is pleased with Ed, the man she loves and therefore will always resent, for boosting ratings, and she and her brothers find out her father is soon to die, and will choose who will inherit his empire.

Verdict:

“Onion News Empire” plays like an over-the-top, dramatic, soap opera-esque satire, but it makes fun of itself so hard that you can’t help but enjoy it. The jokes are quick and ridiculous (the first three-to-five minutes are downright hysterical), and it certainly toes the line. If you may be offended by stories covering the sex life of Jesus or a mall shooter shot by a second mall shooter, this may not be your bag... but if you think a story of a bear attack at a porn star car wash sounds like something you’d want to hear about, you should be perfectly satisfied.

Final say: Definitely worth watching, but don't expect to come way enlightened.

QUOTES:

“When the day of vengeance came, we could no longer fit into our suicide vests.”

“Are you upset we’re showing unattractive people?”

 “My father didn’t build the Onion into the world’s most powerful media, lumber, computer, and fake Christmas tree manufacturing conglomerates by accepting second best.”

“My husband just started dancing one day and now he can’t stop.”

“That’s why his teleprompter is just pictures…”