No Kate? No 8? No Problem? TLC Releases Fall Schedule

TLC recently announced its Fall 2011 line-up. "Sister Wives"? Check. "Extreme Couponing"? Check. "Toddlers and Tiaras"? Ugh. Creepy check.

"Cake Boss"? "Little People, Big World"? "Say Yes To The Dress"? Check, check and check.

"Kate Plus 8"?

Ahem . . . "Kate Plus 8"? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Huh. So has Kate Gosselin's timer struck the 15-minute mark already? My, time flies.

Sure, it's no lock that TLC axed the single-mom-with-eight-crumb-snatchers reality romp. But it would be understandable if TLC just deemed the show more trouble than it's clearly worth.

It's fallen a long way since since the Gosselins and their brood were introduced in two hour-long Discovery Health specials, and later, the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" fifth-season premiere snagged a network-record 9.8 million viewers. After Jon and Kate Gosselin's September 2009 separation, TLC went into damage-control mode to keep its money-spitting ATM on life support by re-branding it "Kate Plus 8."

Unfortunately, Jon wasn't having it. His lawyers ordered TLC to cease and desist production and keep crews away from the pair's Pennsylvania home in October that year. The network aired the last episodes under the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" name in November 2009, then debuted the revamped "Kate Plus 8" in June 2010 and its second season in November 2010. Ratings have sunk noticably since the pair separated.

But hey, there's great news to be had! If you were already gob-smacked at how precious little it appears one could manage to learn lately watching a network known as "The Learning Channel," you'll be stunned at how much more time you'll be able to sink into learning absolutely nothing!

The network rolls out new "Big Hair Alaska" this September, centered on a Wasilla, Alaska, hair salon.

Do you like watching women with more money than sense run around seeking the most appallingly expensive bridal gowns on which money can be wasted on "Say Yes To The Dress"? Then gear up for "Bridal Mile," in which brides on Coral Gables' Miracle Mile with more money than sense run around seeking the most appallingly expensive bridal gowns on which money can be wasted.

Yes, folks. It's come to this. My generation was weened on "Reading Rainbow," "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" and "Sesame Street." The next will watch two shows on the same network devoted to fools and their money being soon parted while dress-shopping.

That is, when they're not watching a show about chic Alaskan tresses.

Yep. This is The Learning Channel.