'New Girl' Season 2, Episode 9: 'Eggs' Recap

Jess toasts to her lesbian friends who have been together five years. The distraction of Schmidt’s voice narrating himself with his boss from the bedroom. They announce that they’re pregnant over his sounds. Jess makes a comment about how they're young still, but they tell her about a test that tells you how fertile you are, and that after 30 you lose 90% of your eggs.

Winson comes in on his new schedule, ready to head to work. Nick, overwhelmed by all the lady talk, goes with him.

Schmidt finds out he isn't satisying his boss in bed.

Nick, inspired by Winston’s pens, decides to go home and write his zombie novel, despite Winston’s skepticism.

Schmidt catches the gyno/lesbian before she leaves, and, as an adult male, wants to ask her questions. She tells him he has to make an appointment to talk with her. As they leave, Jess panics about her missing eggs. CeCe insists that babies will wreck her.

“They literally eat your body.”

Jess doesn’t think she’s ready to have babies, but she’s worried that all that’s left is the evil and weird eggs. She wants to have kids!

“Give my nipples a purpose!" she screams out the window.

Jess goes to see her friend, and gets the test done on her eggs, freaking out about all the harm she may have done to them. At home, she empties the house of anything that might harm her eggs—such as the microwave.

“It is 1930’s dustbowl in there, Schmidt. And they’re all walking with limps.”

Schmift is hurt that he still can’t satisfy his boss, Emma. Winston comes in and tells them all to be quiet in consideration for his adjusted schedule. Nick reassures Jess she will meet someone and have babies, but she doesn’t think she can find anyone. Schmidt offers his sperm, but Winston thinks he and Jess would make cuter babies. Nick is careful to point out he would not donate.

Nick thinks he needs real-life adventure so he can write his novel. He decides to become Ernest Hemmingway.

Schmidt goes to see the doctor to discuss “female pleasure.” She uses a diagram to show how to please a woman. Schmidt shows her what he does… impressing her.

“And then everybody gets a churro.”

She gets a little breathy.

“It’s the baby hormones. They are not as gay as me.”

She admits that he is rather a genius when it comes to the vagina.

Nick ties to get Winston on an adventure with him so he can be Hemmingway. They go to the zoo. Nick brings a flask—writer’s fuel.

Jess comes to get her test results, getting twitchy and weepy, but everything looks good. Her hormone levels are great for her age. CeCe, however, needs a private talk. She finds out that if she wants to have kids she needs to start right away.

Jess asks what she can do to help, and CeCe tells her to make her a guy so she doesn’t have to worry about it. Jess says they should pretend to be guys for the day and not worry about it. And talk about sharks, and wireless.

Schmidt is still unable to satisfy Emma, but he insists that his model ex, and a lesbian gyno have reassured him he is amazing. She admits she probably just has to feel something. Schmidt says he always enjoyed it with CeCe even though they felt nothing, just each other, just connecting.

“That is love, you idiot.”

Emma voids their sex contract.

Jess and CeCe goes to the zoo and sees Winston and drunk Nick, who wants to know if he can win a fight with a gorilla. Jess decides not to act like the guys after all. CeCe wonders what she will tell Robby about her eggs.

Winston insists he needs sleep, and Nick isn’t getting life experience, he is just procrastinating. Nick tries to let the snakes out. Winston tells him he gets that he’s scared, but he needs to deal with it.

CeCe calls Robby to meet her at the zoo, while Jess admires a rhino named Rhonda, who is 43. Jess tells Rhonda she will be okay. Robby says he would like to have children… like in ten years, while CeCe looks uncomfortable.

Nick finished his novel, and dedicated it to Winston. He leaves the manuscript with Winston. Jess and Schmidt come and sit with him. Schmidt admits he was in love with CeCe and didn’t know it. Winston comes in and tells him that the novel is the worst thing he’s ever read, but he’s proud of him for finishing something. Winston reads it out loud in a dramatic voice.

“Who let them zombies out that damn Zombie Zoo?”