'New Girl' Season 2, Episode 2: 'Katie' Recap

Still unemployed, Jess is finding an outlet in cleaning and cooking, which, at least, pleases the guys, although her use of a sauce pan while making frittata makes Schmidt feel like he’s in prison.

She’s finding other ways to keep herself busy too—including making a multi-cloth collage of her three favorite men that has them all groaning.

Nick encourages Jess to enjoy herself, to enjoy being off the grid. So she does—at Nick’s bar, with wine in hand.

Winston’s family makes an appearance in this episode. Schmidt is convinced he’s like “catnip to tough-talking African American women,” but, oddly, Winston’s mom doesn’t seem to be a big fan. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Schmidt is making a clear play for Winston’s pro-basketball playing sister, Alicia, who he thinks looks “like they stretched the ugly out of Winston.”

Back at the bar, Jess is getting sloppy, and finding a cute companion in Andy, who is delivering kegs with his odd, heavy-set friend called Bearclaw.

Her luck continues when a looker named Sam comes up to her, asking if she’s Katie from Cupidmatch.com. Jess goes along with it, and after the two hit it off, they make out.

Nick has no one but a sad old man at the bar to talk to. A man named Nick, who has the same hoodie…

What the… it’s Nick from the future!

Nick doesn’t believe it, but Old Nick tells him a few facts about himself—that he didn’t shower that day, that a girl broke his heart, and that he likes 3 feet of bar between himself and everyone else. Nick is slowly becoming convinced.

Jess takes Sam home, where he brews her like a fine chamomile and gives her the best sex of her life. The only problem, she warns the guys, is that Sam thinks she is Katie, and that she’s some kind of dancer, or maybe works with puppets.

Sam comes out, and to keep the charade going, Jess and Schmidt convince him that Nick is also a dancer. Nick awkwardly leaps around the apartment.

Jess decides that she should stay Katie, but Katie has some “dark needs.” As she’s deciding this, she gets a text from the other guy she liked at the bar—Nick gave him her number, and he’s getting in touch.

Can she do it? Can she juggle multiple men? Not Jess, but Katie can! Game on. She texts him a few inappropriate things, but her autocorrect changes “body” to “meatbar” and makes it a little strange.

Schmidt continues his seduction efforts on Alicia, showing up at her team dinner with the L.A. Sparks. Alicia tells him she only goes out with guys who play basketball. He challenges her to a game to win a date.

At home, Jess is eagerly awaiting her date with Andy, but is surprised to find Bearclaw at the door, ready to explore her meatbar and happy to show her the middle school self-induced tramp stamp of what appears to be a circle with a few slashes coming off of it, and also his namesake. Nick was confused about which man she had been interested in, and gave her number to the wrong one.

Awkwardly, Jess goes along with the date so as not to hurt his feelings, but quickly plays sick as an escape.

At the bar, Old Nick is back. He tells Nick that he should apologize to Jess. He won’t tell him what it is he should apologize for, however.

Sam and Jess take their hook-up session into the bar’s bathroom stall. Andy and Bearclaw walk in, talking. Andy is surprised that Jess wanted to go out with Bearclaw. He thought the two had connected, and that she was someone he could see marrying.

They hear Jess’ exclamation, and Bearclaw breaks down the stall door in case a woman is being hurt in there. Everyone is surprised to see Jess, who is not Katie, and not sick, or fully clothed.

Nick bursts in as well, adding to the confusion. A lot of shouting ensues, and Jess ends up alone.

Old Nick pops his head in, and tells Nick it’s time for him to go. Nick chases him into the alley, where Old Nick says goodbye. He tells Nick to make Jess an old fashioned. Then, he crouches into an empty box, makes a lot of beeping noises, and comes up wearing a tin foil hat. Disappointed, Nick returns inside.

At home, everyone is a little worn down. Nick makes Jess that old fashioned, which she has always wanted to try (how did he know?). She says she’s coming back on the grid.

Nick hesitantly apologizes for anything he might do to her, in advance. Since no one’s really sure what that is, they decide he probably gets drunk and pees on all of her pretty dresses.

Jess forgives him. Sam shows up, and they decide to be bed buddies, leaving Nick to his own devices.

And on the court, Schmidt is about to take on Alicia. He whips out his best moves, but when he checks the ball to her, she ends the game quickly by smacking him in the face with it.