'New Girl' Season 2, Episode 19: 'Quick Hardening Caulk' Recap

Schmidt tries to get drunk on melon balls at Nick’s bar, trying to drink away the knowledge of CeCe’s upcoming wedding.

Nick gives them their bills, shocking them. No more free drinks? Nick says he realizes that it’s time to start being responsible and moving up in the world. He starts talking about his new promotion idea, and Jess fades out, staring moonily at him.

“I want him,” she admits to CeCe in the bathroom as they get ready. Nick comes in with laundry, and Jess stares and giggles at him. Abruptly she screams at him to get out. CeCe gives her a look.

The new manager at the bar comes in—the mystery is clear why Nick is suddenly making everyone pay. She’s a pretty girl. And she kisses Nick. Apparently they’re an item.

Winston takes Schmidt to the aquarium to try and cheer him up, but Schmidt sees a California Lionfish and waxes strangely poetic. He demands the fish, and gets kicked out.

Schmidt sets up a huge aquarium in the loft, determined to have the elusive lionfish.

Nick asks Jess if everything is okay, because she can’t hold still and acts strange, but she just runs off. He follows and asks for a ride to the hardware store. He takes an eyelash off her face, and she asks why he smells so good.

“It’s because I did laundry! I smell like a baby in a damn meadow!”

Jess takes him to the hardware store and watches him steamily as he pulls up a big chain. An older woman stops to admire the scene as well. Jess reads off his list, which is strangely provocative. She goes to stand in front of the air conditioner.

“Just remember… you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalogue.”

He calls her back, and she goes. He is standing on the shelves holding a big pipe in a strategic place. He accidentally drops it, and it hits a 2x4 which knocks Jess out.

At the loft, Winston brings Schmidt a clownfish, but he rejects it. Winston tells him they all know he just wants CeCe, but Schmidt scoffs it off. He tells Winston that if Winston wanted one thing in the world, Schmidt would help him get it. Winston agrees, and they go to the ocean.

Nick brings in soup to Jess, who is hopped up on pain meds and sporting a bruised jaw. She declares drunkenly that she wants to have sex with him, and tries to wrestle him into the bed. In the process Nick’s hand goes into the hot bowl of soup and he gets hit in the face, and goes down.

Schmidt and Winston are wrestling each other into wetsuits when Nick comes out sporting a black eye. He tells them, hypothetically, what if a girl hopped up on pain meds said she wanted to have sex with him? He says he thought that door was closed, so he went through another door, not realizing the door he really wanted to go through was open. He asks how he can end it with new manager Shane before Jess finds out about her.

Jess comes out and asks what happened to Nick’s face. She admits she was so loopy on pain meds she can’t even remember any of yesterday. She asks about coming to guys’ night but they insist she stay home and rest.

Winston and Schmidt stand in the ocean for two hours, trying to find the lionfish. Schmidt thinks he sees one and dives in, but comes up with a jellyfish sting. Screaming, he yells for Winston to pee on his face, but Winston admits he just peed in the ocean.

“Will number two help?”

At the bar, Nick’s idea “Guys’ Night” is going really well. Nick starts to talk to Shane, but sees Jess come in, and sends Jess off. She settles down, and realizes that guys’ night means men drink free… not a great idea. Shane walks by and slaps Nick’s butt. She starts kissing Nick, and Jess asks what’s going on. She gets upset and leaves.

CeCe comes to visit unconsious Schmidt in the hospital, bringing the gift of a lionfish.

“The guy who got me this also said he could get me a box of dolphin steaks or a mostly white baby.”

Schmidt is knocked out, and Winston tells her gently maybe she should give him space. She’s getting married, and it’s killing him. She leaves as Schmidt wakes up with the sudden realization that it was never about the fish, it was about CeCe. He sees the lionfish, and Winston tells him he caught it himself.

He tells the fish it belongs back in the ocean—and goes to flush it down the toilet before Winston stops him.

Nick finds Jess in the kitchen eating ice cream, still upset. He tells her that she told him she wanted to have sex with him, and he asks if it’s true. She says it is—was, until she saw all the other ladies he was hanging out with. She admits that watching him better herself and he calls her a gold digger. He tells her to prove she is not. She kisses him. They start getting passionate, but yell at each other. In the process of the kissing/arguing, the fish tank breaks.

Both decide they are not cleaning it up and storm off to their rooms. They emerge, kiss in the hall again, and then stomp off screaming how much they annoy each other.

Schmidt goes to release the lionfish to the ocean. He goes to throw it, but lets go, and it flies backward onto the beach.