'New Girl' Season 2, Episode 17: 'Table 34' Recap

Nick and Jess lay in bed (separately), freaking out about the kiss.

Nick punches his wall in frustration, injuring himself.

In the wee hours, Jess comes out and they run into one another in the hall. Nick moonwalks away from her despite her telling him not to. She goes back to bed and pretends to wake with Sam, who is unusually adorable.

Jess goes to tell CeCe what happened.

Winston comes to the kitchen, bragging about the best sex of his life. Nick tells him he needs to talk, but Winston is too focused on getting his mojo back.

Jess thinks she needs to tell Sam what happened.

“I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me.”

CeCe asks how it was.

“I was like Scarlet O’Hara in my freaking curtain dress.”

CeCe wants to know if Jess likes Nick, but Jess laughs a bit too much, and insists she likes Sam. She decides she is mad at Nick and wants to spend the day with CeCe, but she is signed up and going to an Indian marriage convention.

Schmidt is onto that. He’s dressed to attend. Nick wants to go with.

CeCe brings Jess with her, but the woman in charge tells her she can’t just watch, she has to participate. Jess goes to fill out her forms, and CeCe runs into Schmidt, Nick, and Winston.

Nick sees Jess and moonwalks away. Winston stops him, and Nick tells him that he kissed Jess. He tells him to say what he’s going to say—which is a punch in the junk. Winston’s mad because he doesn’t want to have to get a new roommate when Nick moves out. He tells Nick to apologize and smacks him in the groin again.

CeCe tris to get Schmidt to leave but he insists that them being apart doesn’t make sense.

Nick goes up to Jess and apologizes. He tells her it was a nonsexual kiss, like kissing a cousin. She wants him to admit it meant something, but he won’t. He tries to turn it around to make it mean something to her. She calls Sam to come pick her up.

The dating convention calls for everyone to go to their table, and CeCe goes over to see she has been placed at a table that includes Nick. Winston sees he didn’t get a table and goes to the woman in charge, but she tells him she’s assigned him her lap.

Jess goes to her table, which includes Schmidt. Sam shows up with his paperwork filled out.

“This is a weird date. I always thought we’d go bowling before we went to an Indian marriage convention.”

They start ice breakers—they stand in a circle, holding hands, and try to move a hula hoop through their group. Jess and Sam struggle.

Jess and Nick get partnered to make a table out of newspaper and tape. Nick tells her to admit she liked the fairytale kiss, the best kiss of her life.

“You were like a dog and my mouth was like a bowl full of dog… milk!”

He tells her she should take responsibility for strutting around in a pink robe—his catnip. They win for the table, despite trying to break it. Nick jumps on it but it stands. Strong couple, strong table?

Sam congratulates her, but she tells him it didn’t mean anything. She gets flustered, and Sam asks if there’s something he should know. But the timer goes off and he has to move down, they're in the speed dating round. Schmidt’s woman tries to talk to him but he wants to eavesdrop on them. CeCe’s date insults her and Schmidt tries to jump in.

The times goes off and Nick goes across from CeCe. CeCe tells Nick they’re at the same table because they never think things through.

Jess goes and shoos off Sam’s girl to talk to him. She tells him what happened and he storms off. Jess chases after him, and Nick comes up and tells Sam that he was the one who kissed her. Sam punches Nick in the chest, and leaves.

Winston goes to the woman interested in him, with a man named Freddie, who he pawns off on her.

Schmidt sees CeCe sitting at her table looking sad. He downs his martini and grabs the microphone. He tells them that they’re blind idiots for not seeing what an angel CeCe is.

“I may be an idiot but I’m smart enough to know what I lost.”

He tells India to get their crap together. Men suddenly rush over and start chatting her up.

At home, Jess drinks wine, while Nick dances stupidly to try and cheer her up.

“I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!”

She tells him it’s a unique situation in that she didn’t do anything wrong. Nick tells her he kind of likes being a homewrecker… but that doesn’t comfort her. He apologizes for kissing her. He promises not to do it again.

She admits maybe things were a little broken with Sam already. He always wanted to fist bump in the morning.

Jess goes to go to bed and Nick hugs her.

“That was a little bit weird.”

Schmidt and CeCe come in, making out, and fall onto the bed.

“The plan hasn’t changed I’m still marrying an Indian guy.”

Doesn’t matter.