'New Girl' Season 2, Episode 15: 'Cooler' Recap

The boys, rallying together, are determined to go out and get laid.

Jess has nothing to do, so she decides to come wing-woman… but Nick says no, hurting her feelings.

It doesn’t take long for them to get kicked out of the club and end up back at Nick’s bar—due largely to the trenchcoat Nick refuses to remove, that he also happened t steal.

They fight over who can approch a pretty lady. Winston can’t produce full sentences… or words… it’s been so long. Nick and Schmidt take their shot at her, which ends in a fight. Winston chats up a (taken) woman at the bar, who is interested in helping him.

Back home Jess is dealing with her solitude in an odd way, being naked, pretending to be a marathon runner, and talking to a dummy of Nick she has made. During her antics, she hears something at the door, but nothing is there. She calls CeCe from her blanket fort, asking for help, but gets the machine.

Meanwhile Nick is doing strangely well with the woman, who loves sad men. Schmidt shoves the cell phone at him—it is Jess requesting aid.

“Seriously, I think it might be gang related. I’ve always been worried about my blue curtains.”

She tells him she needs him, and he gives in. They all return back to the loft, including the women.

Nick explains that the loft has old pipes, hence the noises that were so freaking her out. She resolves to fix the fact that she’s always a “cooler” for Nick. Another word for cock-block, apparently. More FOX appropriate.

They play their famous drinking game. Jess seems to be inventing rules to help get the woman to take her clothes off.

CeCe is on a date, who is crying after a movie, about how much he wants kids. She sees all the texts from Jess. Her date thinks she’s trying to get out of it, so she brings him along.

Winston and his new friend drink under the table, while she tries to help him talk to women. It’s not pretty for  long time.

To help Nick along Jess makes up a new rule to try and get him and the woman, Holly, to go make out. Holly misses the hints Nick gives her, and it ends up that he is supposed to go with Jess. They scream in mutual horror and get locked behind the “Iron Curtain.”

Everyone chants for them to kiss. Jess sends them a pic of her kissing Nick on the cheek. Schmidt starts moving with his sad story about CeCe in on Holly.

They can’t leave until they kiss.

“What’s the big deal? Let’s just suck it up and French a little,” Jess suggests.

They decide to just do it. Jess, in a bra and tutu, and Nick in a trench coat. They prepare. Nick leans in but Jess gets put off by his kiss face. They try again. It doesn’t work. No go.

CeCe and her date come in, which Holly finds tragic. Schmidt tells CeCe to tell him how much she is in love with him… with the hint that if she does so, he’ll get over her (by sleeping with Holly).

“This is the most elaborate way to get out of dating me that I’ve ever experienced,” says her date.

Turns out, the woman Winston has been talking to isn’t engaged she just wears the ring to not get hit on in bars. They kiss.

“C minus; you kiss like a damn bitch,” she rates.

Jess finally admits that she is Nick’s cooler, but he is his own cooler like 70% of the time.

“Some basic grooming, Nick, and you’d be smoking hot,” she tells him. They share a charged moment.

Sam bangs on the Iron Curtain—he got her messages. He asks what she’s doing back there—cut to Sam, joining the group, with a drink in hand, chanting for Jess and Nick to kiss.

Jess yells at Nick to kiss her but he says no. “Not like this.”

He tries to smooth that over, but doesn’t quite know what to say. In a weird moment, he walks into her room, and climbs out the window. He moves to the living room and asks to be let in—they scream at him not to jump. Schmidt faints.

They sit around the table trying to figure out what happened.

“Are you not getting enough attention?” Schmidt demands. Winston pairs off with his girl, Schmidt goes off with Holly, and Sam and Jess seem happy. Nick, alone in his trench coat, is the only one not smiling.

The strange noises are outside again. Jess, in her robe, calls Nick out. He opens the door and a St. Bernard jumps on him.

Its owner comes running out, apologizing. Turns out he is wearing her coat, which she demands back.

Jess and Nick walk back, ready to go to their rooms. Nick suddenly grabs her arm and kisses Jess. Really well.

“I meant something like that,” he says, and leaves her standing, gaping, in the hall.

Behind her, Sam opens the door, and asks if he can get rid of the Nick dummy. It’s creeping him out. He chucks it into the hall, breaking its sad melon head open on the floor.