'New Girl' Season 1, Episode 17 Recap - 'Fancyman, Part 1'

Following this episode of "New Girl," I posit a question: is Jess the worst teacher ever? It seems like she spends most of her time singing songs about sparrows and coming up with thing to do besides intercourse (see below), and very little time teaching things like math or science.

That's the complaint of Russell (guest star Dermot Mulroney), the father of one of Jess' students, who comes in to tell Jess that his daughter will be taking her art time to study fractions and stuff. As it turns out, Russell is a major donor to the school, so Jess is in a bit of a bind.

That takes Jess to Russell's office to give him a piece of her mind, but before she gets there, her car breaks down. Russell finds her and not only calls a tow truck, but also lends her his car and invites her to his rather large mansion for a cookout party.

Jess attends with Nick, but finds embarrassment at every turn: she can't seem to communicate with Russell properly, and gets into a water fight with Russell's fancy Japanese bidet. But once Nick tells her to grow up and go for a nice, successful guy for once, she accepts Russell's invitation to dinner. And promptly falls into his koi pond.

Through all this, Winston goes through his own sub plot that involves him feeling stupid in front of his new girlfriend because Schmidt is way better at bar trivia than he is. But all of that pales in comparison to Nick's storyline.

Nick starts off the episode attempting to get a cell phone, but finds that he can't because of his credit score, which is a mere 250. He decides to go "Ghost Protocol," meaning he doesn't have a cell phone (but uses other people's phones), and rails against the system. But when he sees Russell's study, he immediately falls in love with the desk, the phone, the chair sweater, and Russell himself. Jake Johnson was on fire tonight with the line-o-ramas.

Get used to Mulroney, as his character's arc has been extended to four episodes!

Notes & Quotes:

- "You get 150 just for being alive!"

- "From now on, your classroom is full-on North Korea. Math! Math! Math!"

- "What up, Kev? You in? Nick Miller."

- "I'm President Miller, you're all fired! Bring our boys home."

- "He smells like strong coffee, and going to see a man about a horse!"

- Bonus points for Schmidt's makeout heckling. Double bonus points for Nick's desk antics during the credits.

 And now, Jess' "Alternatives to Intercourse":

- Get to know a neighbor
- Tick/lice check
- Change your email password
- Look at pics of STDs
- Write a convict
- Meet a friend for decaf
- Watch "Friday Night Lights"