'New Girl' Season 1, Episode 14 Recap - 'Bully'

Any episode that has Schmidt attempting (and succeeding) to seduce Cece with double entendres about cheese is a winner in my book.

The Schmidt/Cece thing continues past that first night, although Cece continues to claim that each time is the "last time." Apparently Schmidt is actually pretty good at what he does, living up to the big game he talks. Who knew?

But Cece doesn't want any of it to reach the other roommates, which involves a lot of sneaking in and out of the apartment and agonizing over where to have sex and when. At a point, Schmidt is even left in the car with the window cracked open while Cece goes into a party.

In the end, though, we get a relatively cute moment (as cute as it's going to get with Schmidt, anyway), as he admits that yes, he wants to show Cece off a bit, but only because she's the "ballsiest," "bitchiest," "most beautiful" woman he's ever sexed up ("dopest" and "flyest" are in there too).

Things don't go quite so well romantically for Nick, who agonizes over the significance of Julia sending him a cactus. He assumes it's a challenge to him because of his inability to take care of a plant, but really it's the 20 increasingly drunk and angry messages he leaves Julia that cause her to break up with him. Nick sorta loses his mind. And unfortunately, we get a little short-changed in the shoulda-been-cute Jess and Nick moment toward the end.

Jess spends the episode dealing with a bully problem at her school: a young man named Nathaniel is the butt of many jokes, and Jess doesn't make it much better when she sings a duet with him. However, she does pull much of the bullying toward her, as one of her students makes a mean YouTube video out of her performance.

That leads Jess to break the girl's science fair project, but it all turns out okay because the principal welcomes Jess to the fold as a "child-hater." Ah, teaching.

So, not a very eventful week for Jess, but Schmidt has been a ton of fun lately. What else could you ask for?

Notes & Quotes:

- "You were like a canoe on my body river"

- "Sorry, I just like to banter with you guys in the morning, and I panicked and made a Hitler joke and I'm sorry"

- "I'm gonna live up there someday"

- "Why is this working? I'm so turned on right now."

- "Hi, whom do I talk to re getting something removed from the internet?"