Episode 'Modern Family' Season 2, Episode 17 - 'Two Monkeys and a Panda' Recap

Last night on "Modern Family" it was all about learning.  Learning to trust that your partner won't leave when the going gets rough, learning to say only agreeable things to your better half when she's bitching about this-and-that, and learning to believe that your hot wife won't remarry when you're good and dead.

The only one who walked away empty-handed was Phil, which was a sad ending to such a relaxing day.

Claire's becoming a bit too strung out on PTA and she's starting to look gaunt.  Between yappy stay-at-home moms and two daughters who can't get along, Claire needs a break.  Here to offer that break is her devoted husband, Phil.

Look at this!  Phil dug up an old gift certificate a day shy of expiration, and someone's got to use it.  Nope, a defiant Claire says.  What will the other moms think?  There goes laissez faire Claire, off to get ANOTHER massage.  Phil brings up an excellent point: "If you don't use them, then all our money just goes to charity."

Meanwhile, teenage angst rears its ugly, possessive head as Haley discovers Alex wearing one of her favorite sweaters.

Sharing is caring, and damn it, Claire is going to drive that point home if it kills her.  She allows Alex to wear the sweater, only to watch Alex get it caught on the front door hinge. Blasted!  Haley swore to high heaven that if her sweater was ruined, there would be hell to pay.  More afraid of being proven wrong than pissing her oldest daughter off, Claire drives to five different stores to locate the sweater.  Found it!  Only issue?  It still has the security tag attached, and when you tamper with that pesky security tag, you get inked.  It's bad.  Girls are screaming, Claire is hungry, and Phil just wants someone to tell him how relaxed he looks after a day at the spa (No sense letting that gift certificate go to waste.  Plus, it came with invaluable lady lessons).

Death and funeral scenes are not pleasant to watch, but Jay and Gloria managed to make it bearable.

Jay bought them both lovely drawers at the local cemetery, but Gloria isn't buying it.  God can't find you in a drawer.  You have to go back to the ground from whence you came.  At that moment, Jay and Gloria's "neighbors" come along to introduce themselves.  Seeing how young Gloria is, the wife expresses concern that Gloria will find a new husband once Jay is placed in the drawer, leaving her spot up for grabs.  No one wants to spend eternity next to a stranger, so this makes it awkward for everyone.  More to the point, it makes Jay wonder if Gloria will find someone better once he's kicked the bucket.

Turning to his stepson for advice, Jay and Manny accidentally fashion a bar scene to talk their problems over.  After a tumbler of scotch and a good wipe-down of the bar top, Manny has Jay convinced that he's the only guy for Gloria. 

In a move that shocked even me, Mitchell took advantage of his attorney status and gave his and Cameron's "adopted" (smile when you say that) daughter Lilly his last name.  Just his, not Cameron's.  Cameron was understandably devasted, and knew Mitchell did it on purpose.  Why?  Why do that to the man wearing the Vietnamese cap he purchased at the airport coming home from Vietnam?  He's building a scrapbook for your daughter and penning book titled "Two Monkeys And A Panda."

Were this a real couple, I think Cameron would have taken his personal belongings and moved out.  Something as important as the issue of last names isn't something you decide without consulting your partner.  It makes for funny TV, but not so much in real life.  Like Cameron said, "you buried my name so your name could have top billing."