Michael Bay To 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle' Fans: 'Chill Out'

Oh, Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael....

Two words, sir: Witness. Protection.

Polarizing "Transformers" M.E. (Master of Explosions") has found himself with some explaining to do after announcing some creative license he's taking with his "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" reboot, reports The Huffington Post. Bay previously announced to Nickelodeon Upfront, "These turtles are from an alien race . . . And they're going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.

"When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie," Bay added.

Oh, you mean the alien ninja turtles? Keep talking, Bay. I've a kitana to sharpen.

The backlash started within roughly half a s***-storm.

"If they're aliens then why would they be ninjas!?!? They would have laser guns and lightsabers and junk! They wouldn't need to be ninjas! Michael Bay is the destroyer of worlds!" one Reddit user bellowed from the furthest reaches of the Interwebz. Let's remember, kids: this is the same guy that decided he'd make a movie about Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, have some big robots stand around in the background, and think he could convince us all it was "Transformers."

But of course, Bay legitimately buys into his own genius and fired back on his website.

"Fans need to take a breath, and chill," he wrote. "They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of 'Ninja Turtles' to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world."

That would be great - if we'd asked for a "richer world." We just want the one we enjoy.

Then along came Michaelangelo to defend our childhood iconography.

Robbie Rist voiced the orange-bandana'd turtle in the beloved 1990 live-action "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", and TMZ got a hold of the open letter he wrote Bay that leaves little to the imagination concerning how he feels about Bay's "richer" ideas.

"You probably don't know me but I did some voice work on the first set of movies  that you are starting to talk about sodomizing," Rist wrote. "I know believe in mutated talking turtles is kinda silly to begin with but am I supposed to be led to believe there are ninjas from another planet? The rape of our childhood memories continues."

Turtle power, bitch.