Lady Gaga's New Fragrance Ad: Weird Even For Her

Is there even a line of "weird" demarcation where Lady Gaga is concerned anymore? She's even defying fragrance-promotion standards.

Let's just acknowledge, straight away, that the fragrance industry has never been about as much a celebration of coherence in marketing as David Lynch's dream journal. So, we're already setting that curve plenty low.

Just what, exactly, does one say about a fragrance that the designer claims contains a perfected blend of bodily fluids?

"[Blood and semen] is in the perfume, but it doesn't smell like it," Gaga told "The Kyle and Jackie O Show" last year. "You just get sort of the after feeling of sex from the semen, and the blood is sort of primal. And the blood was taken from my own blood sample, so it's like a sense of having me on your skin."

So what we're going for is, "Make yourself pretty with the things some scrub and scrub and scrub to wash away at each day's end."

More to the point, "Pay to, in essence, feel like Lady Gaga bled on your after sex."

She's not a stupid woman. She knows people actually clean up after sex.

She knows this.

Right?

Her more recent comments to Vogue suggest she's never had perfume's ideal use explained to her. "The fragrance is called 'Fame,'" she said. "It must be black. It must be enticing. You must want to lick and touch and feel it, but the look of it must terrify you."

I'm giggling incessantly because I'm picturing people having to rein in a terribly confused Lady Gaga as she fondles the bottle...perhaps sprays some on a taco...recoils into a corner sucking her thumb in fear, as a store employee calls security...

"Miss Gaga...Please...We don't lick the tester bottles." How exactly does a fragrance "terrify," anyway? Is the bottle shaped as Cthulu, or something?

In any case, the fragrance hits Macy's shelves Wednesday. Now, before you make up your mind about a purchase and gussying yourself with Lady Gaga's blood and traces of strangers' baby batter, watch the new promo for it.

I dare a fragrance ad to have less to do with smelling nice.