Judge Demands Producers' Records Of Broadway 'Spider-Man' Stuntman's Falls

If you've a slightly sadistic sense of humor, this could be the equal to a good "The Aristocrats" joke. Everybody else should call PETA, because some Broadway honchos may have cruelty-to-spiders charges that need answering.

A Manhattan New York State Supreme Court judge has ordered that "Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark" producers get very forthcoming very quickly about severe injuries suffered by a stuntman during rehearsals and performances, the Associated Press reports.

Judge Ellen M. Coin told 8 Legged Productions (....Seriously?) Thursday that she wants some details explaining Richard Kobak's suffered concussion, whiplash and two holes in his knees. Kobak is considering a negligence suit and his legal representation asked that Coin order the producers' surrender of all e-mails, memos and other evidence related to the production.

What Kobak has alleged would be somewhat hilarious, if it weren't true. It's more like something you would see in a comedy about the pratfalls of a ridiculous, monumentally over-the-top stage show about an iconic comic book hero. Kobak claims his body endured 70 "hard landings" during his rehearsals and actual performances, resulting in holes being bored in his knees. What's worse - or maybe just more, pardon the spider-wink, "amazing" - is that a computer-controlled rig launched Spidey into a wall.

Picture that. You can have my job if you didn't supress at least a very small giggle at that picture.

Well, now go feel bad about yourself. Don't feel bad because you giggled and can't have my job making fun of Justin Bieber. Feel bad because you laughed at an incident that allegedly left Kobak with whiplash, two herniated discs and a concussion.

What the hell, people? It cost 8 Legged Productions upward of $75 million - plus, the distinction of being the most expensive show in Broadway history and only getting two minor Tony Award nominations for it - to inflict injuries on someone that some NFL quarterbacks never suffer?

Yet, I can't lie: knowing all this, I think I'd buy a ticket based strictly on the NASCAR-esque possibility I might witness something entertainingly painful.

Apply "painful" to this show on as many levels as you'd like, folks.