'Jersey Shore' Season 5, Episode 8 Recap - 'Sharp Objects'

Boy, that big cliffhanger fight really paid off, didn't it? Further proof that there's very little going on this season.

If that doesn't do it for you, how about Snooki's general disregard for anyone who's not her? Jionni gets sick from the ridiculous amount of drinking he probably has to do to keep up with Snooki. Snooki, rather than comforting her boyfriend or, I dunno, getting him a glass of water, knocks on the door and keeps bugging him to smush.

JWoww isn't much better, giving Roger a bunch of crap for wanting to eat a sandwich. Not that Roger is the epitome of charm or anything, but you know, humans need food.

In conclusion, everyone in this house is the worst person ever. Except Vinny and Pauly.

Everyone's looking for something to do the next day. Here's how that conversation goes:

Deena: "We could go to a dock and fish."
Sammi: "A what?"
Deena: "A dock."

And then the guidos and guidettes go and try to fish. Vinny actually catches one, and Jenni catches crabs. Many jokes are made at her expense. "I feel like this is my relationships, nobody wants to grab my bait," says Desperate Deena. She then proceeds to be thrown around by an inflatable raft. True story.

The Meatballs then paddle out into three feet of water and Ronnie deflates the raft, and then Deena thinks there are sharks. Of course she does. If those shenanigans aren't enough, Snooki is goaded into wearing the bunny suit to Karma. Then the two of them trespass on the beach. "The only difference between the Meatballs and Baywatch right now, is red bathing suits," says Deena. Sure, okay.

After a night of drinking, Snooki does her favorite post-drinking activity, which is more drinking. She takes Ronnie with her, and as a token of appreciation, buys him a little mini-motorcycle. "I didn't think Snooki was that nice," says Ronnie. Neither did I, buddy. She's usually yelling at her sick boyfriend for not having sex with her after throwing up.

"Oh, your stalker came in yesterday," says Danny, totally out of the blue and not at all prompted by one of the producers. The girl continues to follow Pauly around, to the point where Jenni actually goes and talks to her. It's unbelievably awkward. Remarkably, this girl, Vanessa, seems to be oblivious to the fact that she's being a total creep. But I guess that's what it takes to be a stalker and make a trucker hat with someone's name on it.

"Snooki and I are like the Ross and Rachel of the Jersey Shore house," says Vinny, following a montage of the two of them actually being kinda cute on the boardwalk together. Trouble with Jionni again? When will that poor guy get out of this horrible equation? Will anyone of consequence ever happen on this show?