'Jersey Shore' Season 5, Episode 7 Recap - 'Love at the Jersey Shore'

We pick up where we left off, with JWoww talking to Roger, who says "I trust you emphatically!" JWoww is being kind of a pain in the ass to be fair, and admits "I wasn't looking at Roger's side of things, only my own spoiled side." No kidding. And when JWoww explains the situation to the girls, Deena's reaction is "Oh, you're an idiot." You all are, Deena. You all are.

Case in point: Deena and Snooki decide to make Danny a cake to apologize, but forget to put in the oven. Then they do a nice decoration job, and then someone eats like half of it. Oh no Deena! Your perfect plan to make up for all the crap you've put Danny through over the last two years with a shitty cake has failed!

Snooki is FINALLY going to the doctor. While filling out the symptom sheet, we have our third reference to rectal bleeding so far this episode. Classy. Snooki asks whether or not she can drink when she's taking antibiotics. Of course she does. She also neglects to call Danny and tell him she won't be coming in to work, which means she gets PUNISHED so bad by having to MOVE BOXES and WIPE DOWN THE COUNTER. Oh my god, it's like, actual work.

Later, Pauly D fesses up to eating the cake by hugging Deena and muttering "I ate da cake" in her ear, real creepy-like. That sets Mike, who was blamed for the crime, off the deep end. He still wants to complete his "master plan," but Unit is off doing Unit stuff, I guess.

"My doctor told me not to drink to much, and I knew it was going to be really hard not to drink, so I just gave in and I drank... and drank and drank," says Snooki. WOMAN YOU HAVE A UTI AND YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

Pauly and Vinny go on a man-date and Vinny loses his keys. Riveting. Ronnie gets really drunk and dances like an idiot. Also riveting.

"You know that part in Varsity Blues, where they put whipped cream on each other, and they naked but they have whipped cream on there, and they're drunk?" says Sitch (I might be paraphrasing). "Yeah," answers Snooki. "We should do that," answers Sitch. Ooh, almost, buddy.

Desperate Deena finally brings a boy home, and Pauly puts a bunch of stuff on her bed. First the alarm clock, now this. Then Deena blames Pauly for it, and he quickly and way too easily convinces her that he didn't do it. She actually apologizes. Then JWoww and Snooki mess with the poor guy. "I just want to watch Deena and Joey have sex," says Snooki. "I'm bored." Wasn't she just calling Mike a creep earlier?

"I think Deena loves Joey," says Sammi. Deena loves everything, Sammi. Deena loves lamp.

Mike calls Unit, and I can't stand the way these people talk. I think "yeeah yeeeah hell yeeah yeah" was spoken.

JWoww puts on an outfit that makes her look like a mix between a Vegas prostitute, a dominatrix, and a heroine from a video game. She then wears it to the club, and then starts worrying about her boobs falling out. Didn't think this through, eh? We're left with a cliffhanger as Roger shoves off a guy who gets in Jenni's face, and the guy throws a punch.