'Jersey Shore' Season 5, Episode 5 Recap - 'Nothing But Nice'

"I got my boyfriend back!" yells Pauly, followed by a joke about using the smush room. At this point, he might not be joking. He and Vinny pretty much just grin at each other. Aww, they're happy. Deena stands in the corner and hugs a pillow.

Mike is acting weird, which is to say he's acting nice. He also wants tattoos on his forearms that read "loyalty" and "betrayal." Ten bucks says he never gets that done. But Ronnie's face is pretty priceless.

Nicole peed on the dance floor. "Don't tell anybody," she said, on national television. "Don't call me dirty," she said, as everybody watching just said "ugh, she's so dirty." And thus began the "Snooki has a urinary tract infection" storyline, and hopefully also the end of this show.

Desperate Deena tries to get Vinny to say "I love you" back, and fails. Ha. Then her extensions get knotted up, and then she electrocutes herself accidentally. Then we spend ten minutes listening to the most asinine conversation between Deena and Sammi about electrocution, and whether or not her brain is all messed up now.

Snooki underwear update! She's wearing two pairs tonight in case she pees herself again. You're welcome, everyone. She finally realizes that she has a medical issue, but still doesn't go to the doctor. Will this be the week she finally dies? She also stands way too close to the plate in the batting cages, but sadly she doesn't get hit.

Mike feels like someone is "talking s**t" behind his back. That would be America, dude. He's tremendously drunk today, and tries to plead his case to everyone to stop picking on him, while his pants are pulled down way too far.

Snooki pees outside, during the day. And yet, this isn't her low point.

Bunny suit time. Snooki suggests that they go upstairs, and Deena says "to chill?" She's very drunk. Also the sky is blue. Anyway Snooki's little bunny prank doesn't go over as well because she's too drunk to stand up in the suit. What goes much better is Ronnie's prank on Snooki, as they play "warm beer," which mostly involves wiping soot on Snooki's face.

What goes over much better is Snooki's plan to hover over Mike with the bunny head on. "What the hell...?" is his reaction, but it's the timbre of his voice that makes it.

Snooki yells at the birds taking over their porch, and they fly away. Then she yells "come back!" and they do. Snooki can communicate with birds! She's like a drunk Snow White with a UTI!

Desperate Deena decides to make a pair of booty shorts that say "I Jersey Turnpike All Night," because, as she says, that would "be cool." Good indication of how far off Deena's definition of "cool" is.

There's some drama going on with JWoww, who keeps getting Roger's voicemail when she calls him. It's a testament to Jenni's relative emotional stability that she isn't completely flipping out. If it was Jionni not returning Snooki's calls, she would be drunk and sobbing by now.

Sitch, meanwhile, looks like he's going to start some shit again. This time, he has another motive: he thinks that, in his drunken state yesterday, Snooki was trying to instigate some fighting between him and the guys. So now he's going to tell Jionni some "deep dark secrets" as Pauly puts it. Oh boy.