'Jersey Shore' Season 5, Episode 3 Recap - 'Dropping Like Flies'

We pick back up with Vinny getting in a cab, and Pauly wandering out into the streets alone to go tell the other roommates that Vinny is gone. That presents an awkward moment with Snooki and Jionni, as he asks her if she loves him. Deena's even more awkward, as she goes into the bathroom with JWoww to cry.

"Do I look like a mess?" she asks, with toilet paper attached to her heel. Do you ever not, Deena?

At the very least, poor Pauly brings home an Italian-speaking girl to get his mind off of his bro-heartbreak. Heartbrok? No, that doesn't work. Guess I don't have the phrase-coining abilities of Pauly D.

The next morning, Snooki says goodbye to Jionni as he leaves. "I won't cheat on you," she says, because that's totally something you should have to say to your boyrfriend every day. But when the plan is to get "wastypants" in the middle of the day, there's always a risk, isn't there?

Deena meets a lovely gay man, and says "I love gay men!" as if that's not something we could have guessed based on her personality and general air of desperation. This guy is nice enough, though, to help her walk Snooki home, who is so blitzed that she can't go two steps without falling to the pavement. This is actually getting terrifying.

Then, because clearly she's not drunk enough, they go to the club and drink more. And, against all odds, Snooki can now dance. Then, they go home for a brief rest (and to untangle Deena's mess of hair) and go out AGAIN to Karma. HOW IS SHE STILL ALIVE?

Pauly, meanwhile, brings back a tattooed girl, who he thinks would be right up Vinny's alley, with plans to smush on Vinny's bed in his honor. That's... sweet of him?

Sitch meets a Bosnian girl at the Shore Store, then runs into at the bar. But when he loses interest, he passes her off to Pauly. Then later, at 4am, she gets cold feet and decides she doesn't want to hook up with him. "She seemed like a nice girl," muse the housemates. "That's why she doesn't belong here," says Ronnie.

Then she comes back and says she doesn't want to go home, and goes to hang out with Mike. He sends her packing too. That might be a new record for obliteration of self-respect. Twice in one night? Ouch.

For Pauly's birthday, his family shows up and brings his barber to cut his hair. Mike, whose birthday is also today, is sad that his family didn't show up. For a second, I'm actually kinda sad for him. Then I remember who we're talking about. And then he starts throwing a little tantrum because nobody's paying attention to him. Aww, poor widdle Sitch!

When the girls make Pauly a cake and don't make one for Sitch, he whines even more. Guess what, Mike? You act like an asshole to everyone, and people don't make you a cake.

Overshare of the day: Snooki says her "a**hole is protruding" because she "just had buttsex." And now, I will never again be able to hold down food.

"I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it actually hurts me to know that people don't care," says Mike. Actually, I misquoted him there. I think he said "cayuh." And then Mike leaves. Is he gone too? Dunno, but the roommates seem pretty happy about it.