'Jersey Shore' Season 4, Episode 7 Recap - 'Meatball Mashup'

The pre-episode recap sets up our action: Deena kisses girls, Snooki does embarassing things when she's drunk. Uh oh.

Ronnie and Jwoww continue to give Snooki some advice, because they're her friends and they care about her. "Shut the f** up I'm fine," she politely responds. Then, later, she gets on the phone with him and he hangs up on her.

The gang is going to Riccione on the Italian coast, a place that their boss says he "lost many pieces of my brain" there. The gang doesn't have to worry about that. Their brain pieces are already all gone. Case in point: they each pack about two large suitcases apiece for a weekend trip, which they then try to fit into two Fiats. "How many Guidos does it take to put luggage on a car?" Asks Jwoww. I dunno, how many of you are there? Add at least 10 to that.

At Riccione, the guys find The Situation's Italian doppelganger. Seriously, that guy has a career in reality TV personality impersonation.

It can't be later than noon, and the girls are doing a mess of shots. They start talking about vaginas, which leads some poor misguided soul to try to reprimand them for their language. Valiant effort, dude, but that's a dead-end road. Deena and Snooki are completely toasted, and Sammi and Jwoww are tired of taking care of them...so they ditch them.

That leads Team Meatballs to go crash some kind of reception and start getting as inappropriate as possible on the dance floor. Time check: it is currently 7:40pm. I don't know whether to shake my head in disapproval or applaud them. "We're gonna go mad hard all day, then mad hard at the club," says Snooki.

Deena actually manages to dance her bikini bottoms off. The word "mess" doesn't even begin to describe this. The girls are already slurring uncontrollably in the cab on the way to the club. I think Deena said something about not having any class. At least she has that much clarity left.

After showing her kookah to the whole club (there's way too much vagina in this episode), Snooki and Deena start, as Jwoww puts it, "digesting each other's tongues." The two of them are straight up making out in the middle of the club. "It's so awkward!" exclaims Jwoww. Oh, just you wait, honey...they're about to make out on the cab ride home as well.

The next morning, Pauly D coins another term: swacking. It all starts when Ronnie does the wake-up call...which is usually Pauly's thing. Pauly says he has his own swagger, and Ronnie steals, or "jacks" it all the time. Hence, "swacking." Sitch comiserates with Pauly about it, as both feel that Ronnie has swacked them in the past. "I'm surprised he didn't come to Italy with a blowout," notes Pauly. These are the problems at the top, folks.

Unsurprisingly, neither Snooki nor Deena remembers anything from last night. Sammi and Jwoww give them a visual demonstration of the night's events. Maybe it would have been better to just never, ever speak of this again. Luckily, Jionni is okay with it. Somehow.

At work, Sitch is actually--get this--working! He's stocking water bottles in the fridges. What a saint. Snooki and Deena, meanwhile, are hiding in trash cans. Whatever, at least they're not making out again.

Later, the girls head to the gym, and we finally get to see the moment that was teased well before the season: Snooki crashing into a cop car, like some kinda stupid person who drinks for 24 hours straight. To top it off, Snooki doesn't have her license with her (nice move) and the cop is being carried off in a stretcher and a neck brace. The guys get there just a little too late with Snooki's license...she's already being taken away in the back of the cop car. "If Snooki is locked up, they might kick us out of Italy," Vinny says, unconvincingly, as if the line was given to him by a producer.

Yeah, judging by the preview of next week's episode, I don't think that's going to happen.