'Jersey Shore' Season 4, Episode 6 Recap - 'Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick'

Sitch is whining about his neck in a fashion that only a drama queen like Sitch could manage. I would suspect him of having made that neck brace himself if it weren't so well-constructed. He's literally moaning. Thankfully, Vinny and Pauly are here to mock him freely in interviews and tell him to "stop milking it."

Oh, good, Ronnie heads over to Sammi first thing in the morning to tell her that he loves her "no matter what" and that they should "talk later." When the ladies go to lunch, there's no talk about Ronnie and Sammi's drama, just about Ronnie and Sitch, and Sitch's whining about his neck.

"I can't do anything without needing help," says Sitch, as if he's a quadriplegic. "I'm hurt." He's actually trying to bring up some tears here. It looks like it's all a build-up so that he can "man up" and take off the neck brace in dramatic fashion. Kill me.

As Snooki, cleavage on display, walks by a church, the priest tells her to "cover your body." She responds by telling said priest to "shut up" and calls him an a**hole. Classy. But the zinger of the season might be this one: when Snooki says "God made my tits," Jwoww responds with "He didn't make mine." NICE one, Jwoww!

Snooki has even more trouble with Jionni when she once again tries to dirty talk with him on the phone. In front of roughly eight million viewers. "Don't change who you are for somebody else," says Ronnie. Pot kettle black, Ron-Ron.

You know what this show needs? More Pauly and Vinny. Or, rather, more Joey D and Louie, who are the pair's new ultra-mega-guido alter egos. Rather than GTL, Joey D and Louie live by Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick. FPC. That, right there, is one heck of a secret handshake as well.

I think there was just a scene with Ronnie and Sammi, but I was busy stabbing my eardrums so I wouldn't have to listen to them anymore. Vinny makes a valiant attempt at an intervention, basically to say this: if you guys have an argument, have it somewhere else. Let's see if that works (it probably won't).

Snooki confronts Mike about their situation (so to speak), and asks for an apology. This results in Mike saying "I shouldn't have said anything to Ronnie. Maybe I should've said it to Pauly." Which, honestly, was kinda funny. Snooki didn't think so.

Snooki is also not amused when a girl at the bar allegedly makes a face at her. "Fall back!" warns Jwoww, but the girl retaliates  by throwing a drink in Deena's face. Brawl time! Snooki attacks, as she puts it, "like a squirrel monkey." I think that's fitting. Deena and Snooki get so worked up that they actually start fighting each other.

Back at the apartment, Ronnie is making pasta. At like 4am. How are these people not all totally fat?

Snooki's back on the phone with Jionni, because it went so well last time. Predictably, they start fighting immediately because Jionni says he's "embarrassed" by her. Can you blame him? Okay, maybe he's being unreasonable...after all, you're dating a girl from "Jersey Shore." What did you expect?

Deena calls Ellis back over, despite the fact that he snuck out last time he was over. Deena is falling all over him (literally) until she finds a hickey on his neck. He claims his sister gave it to him...but can't say it with a straight face. Deena gives him the boot. Did we just see a show of self-respect from Deena? It's a miracle!

The next day, at the girl's lunch plus Ronnie (poor guy), they all discuss the Jionni situation and agree that he is...how did they put it? Oh yeah: a "f***ing dick."

Snooki is less concerned...because she doesn't remember it. "I blacked out. What happened?" Ironically enough, the roomates are all trying to stage an intervention about Snooki's relationship, rather than about the fact that she gets blackout drunk every night.

"I wish everyone would stop worrying about me so much. I'm fine," says Snooki. Oh, Snicks. You're far from fine. But that's why we love you.