'Jersey Shore' Season 4, Episode 5 Recap - 'And the Wall Won'

Thursday's episode left us with a cliffhanger, as it looked like the bad blood between Ronnie and Mike was about to reach a boiling point. This special pre-VMA episode begins right where that one left off.

So here's the big moment that MTV has been leading up to and hyping since before the season even started: the fight between Sitch and Ronnie. And it started off with...Sitch banging his own head into a wall and nearly knocking himself unconscious. Like all things on this show, even the physical confrontations lack finesse.

But Mike is over his temporary concussion and starts egging Ronnie on again, and the brawl gets to point where the two are tangled up and the crew needs to step in and break it up. Good thing they have that one really big guy on staff, huh?

As painful as it looks to get wrestled to the floor by Ronnie and a huge cameraman, it's nothing compared to the pain I feel by listening to Sammi throughout all this. "Stop it!" she yells, thinking that will help in the slightest. Actually, it's more like "staaaaaaaaaap it!"

Pauly and Vinny, meanwhile, are in the other room laughing. Gotta love those guys. "I think Mike tried to commit suicide by slamming his head against the wall, because he was tired of the Ron and Samm bulls**t," Pauly says. Yeah, I hear that. Sometimes I also want to run my head into a wall because of those two.

Mike could have a concussion considering he ran his head into a concrete wall, so the gang calls and ambulance and he gets carted off to the hospital in a neckbrace. It's all a bit dramatic. I think Jwoww even said something about not wanting Mike to die. What? Girl, he bumped his head. It's not a gunshot wound. He doesn't have dysentery. At worst, he'll have some mild brain damage. I doubt we'll notice the difference.

"Everyone just let him get away with so much stuff, all the time," Ronnie says in explanation of why he finally blew up at Mike. Ronnie clearly overreacted, but can you imagine living with Mike? I mean, the guy calls himself "The Situation." He has to be completely unbearable to deal with on a daily basis.

Ronnie, now calm, comes clean with Sammi and tells her about the girl he's been calling. Sammi is horrified that he would ever do such a thing as call another girl. HOW COULD HE.

Here's a great one: "Be honest all you want, but I just don't want anything to do with you ever again in my entire life," says Sammi as she walks out the door. Hear that? Anything ever again for her entire life. That's a commitment. And it'll hold for about...12 hours.

Oh, and another classic Ronnie/Sam move: now Ronnie is packing his bags to move back home. Vinny, for some reason, tries to convince him to stay. I guess he doesn't want Ronnie to terminate his six-figure contract. Don't forget that, folks: these kids are making over a million dollars off of this show.

Mike returns from the hospital with a snazzy-looking neck brace, which I swear changes size in each talking head segment. He claims that the "conflict" between him and Ronnie could "pop off at any moment" as it's still unresolved.

Ronnie attempts to have a day to himself, but the gang finds him at lunch (what a coincidence!), and they discuss the incident. "Why would you love someone like that?" Vinny asks Ronnie. "I have no idea," he responds. Neither do we, buddy. Neither do we.

We're treated to a lovely scene later in which Snooki attempts to dirty talk with Jionni over the phone, and Jionni gets really annoyed with it. Go figure, not even Snooki's boyfriend wants to hear about her orgasming.

No, here's the real treat: everyone's out of the house except Mike, so we're treated to a montage of Mike moping around, pretending to cry, and eating chips in a melancholy fashion.

That's funny, but not nearly as funny as this: Sammi decides, in a truly passive-aggressive move, to dump all of the stuff that Ronnie bought him on his bed. Ronnie then decides to dump it all in the trash. "I was being mature by putting it on his bed," says Sammi. The level of delusion here is truly fascinating.

So, Ronnie puts stuff in the trash and Sammi takes it back out of the trash. There's a metaphor for their relationship here, but I just can't quite pin it down.

It turns out that Sitch had a plan all along: he's been in a fight before with a guy that was bigger than him, in which he put his head through a sheetrock wall to psych out his opponent and end the fight before it started. The problem here is that the wall was made out of cement. The brilliant strategic mind of The Situation, thwarted again.

The guys head out without Mike, and Single Ronnie starts hitting on girls. Good. This will end well. Also, Pauly's starting fights of his own, against a guy who gets in his face while he's dancing with a girl. Pauly is confused, until he realizes that maybe he was dancing with the guy's girlfriend.

Ronnie skips out on bringing home his "grenade" (she wasn't that bad) at the risk of pissing off Sammi. He even brings home some flowers for her. What a nice g--oh, wait, he just threw them in the trash. And Sammi took them back out. That seems to be the theme of the episode. I guess the metaphor here is that they keep trying to put this annoying relationship in the garbage where it belongs, but then one of them pulls it back out again, only it's smelly and covered in garbage and nobody wants to be around it.

Well, I guess the season is all downhill from here now that the big fight is over...at least we still have some Snooki shenanigans to look foward to.