'Jersey Shore' Season 4, Episode 12 Recap - 'Ciao, Italia'

As we begin the finale episode, Mike is back from the bar and talking to himself, mostly because nobody else wants to talk to him. Snooki pretends he doesn't exist. She might be on to something. Here's the plan, people: everybody pretend that The Situation doesn't exist, and maybe we can finally stop him.

Ronnie actually sits Mike down and tells him that he needs to repair his burned bridges. Mike responds by saying that he doesn't need all the bridges. Ronnie pulls a low blow and says "If he wants to act like Angelina, he can act like Angelina." Ouch. In the pantheon of "Jersey Shore" insults, comparing someone to Angelina is about as rough as you can get.

It's the last day at work, and it seems like Vinny, Pauly and Sammi are actually having fun there. Whaddya know, there are a few adults in this group... not everyone is like Snooki and Deena, completely unable to give an honest day's work. Then again, Pauly doesn't seem to be particularly helpful.

That night, Jwoww stays in because she's sick, which means the Meatballs are unsupervised. Not a good plan. Last time that happened, they ended up having a 24-hour bender. This time, it means that Deena takes her shoes off in the middle of the street and the two of them get lost on the way home.

Here's how you can tell that Mike is definitely going to Jersey: he keeps telling everyone, loudly, that he's definitely not going to Jersey. He's shocked--shocked, I say--that Snooki doesn't protest when he tells her. He really might as well just yell PAY ATTENTION TO ME.

The gang decides that they want to go sightseeing, because that trip to the winery went so well. What are the Vegas odds on one of them falling asleep during their tour? Sure enough, they start off with a lot of whining about having to walk, and it being hot outside, and about how art "isn't my thing" (that's Snooki, of course). They warm up to it a bit, though, when they see the window to the place where Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa, and the Meatballs enjoy the statue of David.

Whatever, at least they finally learned that the Duomo is, in fact, not the Vatican.

Mike takes their sunset dinner as an opportunity to "apologize" to everyone, saying it was part of his "master plan." Jenni puts it best: "Mike's apologies are always bulls**t to me." Maybe he would seem more sincere if he took off his sunglasses, ever. Sure enough, at the club that night he starts some crap with a kid who apparently bumped into him.

One last bed displacement for Deena by the guys prompts Team Meatball to bring all the houseplants into the kitchen and put them on the table. How devious! How rebellious! How pointless!

Everybody's in a fabulous mood, mostly because they can go home and tan. Pauly says he's "gonna go tanning, then I'm gonna go tanning, then I'm gonna go tanning." And then you're going to get skin cancer. Even that isn't as dangerous as the mattress slide they set up on the stairs, which nearly causes Snooki to break her neck.

Sadly, everyone lives, and they're on their way back to Jersey. That wraps up a season that saw thrown objects, self-inflicted near-concussions, and way more of Snooki and Deena's tongues than we ever wanted to see.

We'll be back with more for season five. God help us all.