'Jersey Shore' Season 4, Episode 1 Recap - 'Firenze!'

"Italy is that big country...no, wait. Europe is that big country," says Snooki as the season four premiere begins. Good to know she hasn't gotten any smarter in the past six months. Wait, I mean horrifying to know.

Vinny is determined to learn Italian, especially how to say "I have a big..." yeah, ya know.

Snooki is still with Jionni, who looks understandably nervous about his girlfriend's trip. Cut to: The Situation at the barber shop, saying how if Snooki really lost weight, he'd "hit that." Uh oh.

The boys head to Vinny's to partake in the family feast, and one of Vinny's relatives gives them the proper Italian translation for "DTF"...well, it's an approximation. It translates literally to "Are you ready to f***?" Very direct. That'll work, boys, use that line.

Okay, side note: did y'all see that "Jersey Shore" style commercial for Six Hour Power energy shots with Deena and Sammi in Italy? I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Also, it's a testament to the financial weight of Six Hour Power that they ended up with Deena and Sammi.

When the girls land in Milan, they have to lug their 100 bags through the airport to try to catch a bus to Florence, which results in at least three tumbles from Deena. Let's keep a running tally of Deena's falls this season, shall we? That's 3 so far.

They guys land directly in Florence, but have to take about 18 cabs to fit all their bags. Then they all cram into the back of one cab...I'm surprised Ronnie doesn't take up the whole back seat on his own. When they want to tell the driver to go faster, they try to come up with the Italian word for "faster"..."ciao" is Ronnie's suggestion.

"Yo, we got the thing that cleans your ass, and s**t," exclaims Vinny, upon seeing the bidet in the bathroom. This guy is the epitome of class, y'all. But even he is not as classy as Snooki who, upon dragging all those bags up the stairs, declares, "I smell like King Kong's a**hole."

A discussion about boobs has Sammi and Snooki wishing theirs were fake like JWoww's. "When I lie down, they go to the side," complains Snooki. "It's annoying." Oh god, now I'm picturing Snooki lying down naked. GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!

Oh my god, did Deena just show a degree of intelligence in explaining voltage conversion?!

The first casualty of the gang's beautiful house is a tiny end table, which Ronnie decides is a good thing to sit on. Ronnie: 1, House: 0. I'm betting at least two other object in this house get destroyed before they leave. Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing's getting out of here unscathed.

Mike looks downtrodden when he finds out that Snooki isn't single. He also says that he thinks the relationship won't last. Uh oh.

Speaking of uh oh, it's going to be up to Pauly D and (horror of horrors) Snooki to drive during the gang's time in Italy, as they are the only two that can drive stick. Snicks doesn't hit anything (yet), but the girls get completely lost on the way to breakfast.

Ah, this explains Mike's behavior...he confides in Ronnie that he hooked up with Snooki a few months back, and that he's starting to like her. This has the feeling of a conversation that's been set up (The Situation isn't that good of an actor).

First night out, and the gang hits up a club that looks little more upscale than what they're used to. OH MY GOD THERE'S FIRE! Sitch tries to land some Italian girls, but runs into the minor problem that, you know, he speaks absolutely no Italian. So instead, he runs to Snooki and starts creepin' on her.

That, right there, is a perfect example of why this season is going to be crazier than usual. These kids are more isolated than usual. They're in a country that speaks a language they don't speak, so they're going to be much more shut off from the outside world than usual. That means more in-fighting and in-hooking-up. Hence, Deena and Pauly D making out.

The episode ends with a warning from Ronnie to Snooki: watch that behavior, or you're going to get your ass busted. The reason for that black eye that Sitch is going to get is becoming clear.