'How I Met Your Mother' Season 8, Episode 4: 'Who Wants to be a Godparent?' Recap

Finally, with a nanny found, Marshall and Lily can enjoy their first day out in 5 months. They rendezvous at the bar, of course, and try to catch up on the news they missed. However, since the birth of Marvin, the gang has been an issued an “8 or higher” decree on the importance of issues they can discuss. Ted thinks when asked about Victoria—well, her dad wants him to pay for the $70,000 wedding he took Victoria out of “or else,” but that’s not quite an 8, so he says everything’s fine. Same with Robin—Nick’s sexy motorcycle she leathered up to ride is actually a dinky little bike that runs on corn. Barney decides the girl he banged wasn’t an 8 or above either, so everyone’s just great.

Having caught up on that much, Marshall and Lily leave to go have some time to themselves, shocking everyone with their hasty retreat. They’re happy to be out though, enjoying life. That is until they walk in front of a screeching taxi and Lily screams, “Death is all around us!”

Thus, the two head home and begin to plan for their deaths, which Lily can’t handle without sobbing. They try to pick a guardian for little Marvin in case of their demise. Both argue for their mothers in a long battle, but both mothers get overturned. Lily’s dad is out in one second. They both decide that Marcus, Marshall’s brother, is a great dad and would be a good guardian, but when Marshall calls to discuss it with him they discover Marcus has ditched his family to fulfill his lifelong dream of being a mixologist in a tropical locale.

When the gang hears the news, they argue for the honor. Robin and Ted get into a battle of who can bring the bigger stuffed teddy bear, while Barney just shows up in odd outfits and sings inappropriate songs until Marshall shuts the door on him.

At the bar, Barney rolls in to show off his new stroller, the “Bro-ller,” which has a camera set up so when ladies bend to look inside Barney gets a great rack shot. Marshall comes in and calls them up—they’ve decided to make this into an official competition: loud plaid jacket,  spinning wheel and all. Lily, in a sparkling gold dress, and Marshall tell the gang they wants to make the idea of them dying more fun.

The contest begins. How will the contestants explain their untimely deaths to Marvin? Barney would have them leave on a super secret space mission. Robin would be brutally honest—and graphic. Ted would use his puppet, Professor Infosaurus. Round to Ted.

What about if Marvin takes another kid’s toy? Barney would punish him by not letting him wear an epensive belt. Ted would take away his T.V. privileges—but caves in this scenario, and gives them back, plus ice cream. Robin would do what her father did to her and send her to a boy’s military school.

“I think that Robin wins this round… because we love her and she’s in a safe space.”

How about explaining the birds and the bees? Barney is an immediate out when he begins by taking Marvin to Amsterdam. Ted uses his puppet in a helpful rap, but Robin wins, by flirtatiously suggesting if Marvin is a natural stud like his dad, no explanation needed.

And the game goes on, finally making it to the lightning round. Things get heated, and Ted says that he’s been their friend for 16 years, he is the obvious choice. Barney says if they choose Ted poor Marvin will still be a virgin at 13. Robin argues she’s the only one packing a vag, so she has natural instinct and crap like that. Lily and Marshall get annoyed, and Barney lashes out about how they don’t know how to be friends anymore. Ted and Robin back him, denouncing the 8 or higher rule, but Lily and Marshall insist that as parents they can no longer be absorbed in their friends’ “silly little dating problems.” Marvin is now the “only” important thing in their lives.

Wounded, Robin, Barney, and Ted leave. Marshall thinks maybe it was for the best—Barney was starting to pull ahead in the game anyway. Lily sticks by what she said, she doesn’t have time to deal with… only she doesn’t know what silly problems she’s not supposed to care about, because she hasn’t been talking to anyone. Marshall and Lily realize they’ve been crappy friends. They go find the gang and decide to revoke 8 or higher rule. They are accepted back happily, and the whole group gets to spend time together.

Lily decides to keep Marvin in the family—she gives Marvin’s guardianship to all three as she signs the legal document.

Cut to Barney enjoying the benefits of the Bro-ller, until one of the hapless ladies asks, “Is that a bowling ball in a onesie?”