'How I Met Your Mother' Season 8, Episode 2: 'The Pre-Nup' Recap

Ted continues his story, explaining that at this time, where we left them, everyone was in love. Robin and Nick, Barney and Quinn, and Ted and Victoria. But that’s boring, so he fast forwards to October 2012, “The Autumn of Breakups.”

At Barney’s office, his boss, Arthur Miller, is despairing about getting fleeced by his ex, Darlene. He warns Barney that he absolutely needs a pre-nup before he can get married to Quinn.

So the two arrange a nice huge one, and call in Quinn to look it over. It is, as expected, a bit odd, Barney-style. For example, in case of a break up, he would still get occasional access to her named ladybits… (None of the other boys are surprised by this: Marshall notes that Lily’s ladybits are called Snap, Crackle, and Pop).

Turns out the pre-nup is less about diving up assets—aside from assets—but more like rules (“Suggestions!”) on how Quinn should behave in their marriage. Boob enhancements every 5 years (or every 50,000 honka honkas, whichever comes first)? Or how about legally mandated morning pillow fight time?

 “I have to pay $2,000 every time I gain a pound!”

At the bar, Barney explains his pre-nup and Quinn’s confusingly mad reaction to it, and while the boys all insist that’s it’s nuts, when every couple is in bed for the evening, the men all foolishly bring up something about their lady they might like to change. Ted informs us that one of the couples would break up the next day—but not Marshall and Lily. Obviously.

Pissed, the girls reconvene at their bar to talk about the men’s blah blah blah commentary, and realize that they’re using Barney’s pre-nup as an opportunity to complain. What do their men want them to change? They relate the previous night.

Marshall is not happy with how Lily has been monitoring the baby after he tossed little Marvin a little too high. Her maternal voice—voices, as one apparently comes from her vagina—kicked in. Marshall insisted that his family had rough housed with him and he had turned out fine.

 “Marshall, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.” Annoyed, he told her that she could honka honka herself that night.

And Robin? Robin likes to watch television while having sex… but not just anything. “I get turned on watching myself do the news during sex.”

Ted and Victoria? Well that seems to be quite an issue. Turns out that Victoria’s ex fiancé Klaus lost his job and got evicted. He came to Victoria and Ted crying, and Ted offered him the guest room. Now, however, he has “hero’s remorse.” And that’s kind of understandable since Klaus is making things totally awkward. With his nakedness.

Back at home Ted and Victoria fight in bed, and when Ted realizes Klaus can hear “everyfink” through the wall, he kicks him, and his ferrets, out of the apartment. Victoria is shocked that “their” apartment has become “his” apartment.

Quinn confronts Barney back at work, saying that she understands the pre-nup, which Barney insists is just to keep her from becoming unappealing to him.  Her response? She’s made a pre-nup of her own. In come Robin, Lily, and Victoria as back-up. Arthur Miller is charmed by the spirited redhead with the baby…

Quinn’s demands? If they broke up, she would get full custody of his suits. Barney would also have to wear a shock collar for punishment for checking out Quinn’s hot friends… and it’s not gonna be on his neck.

Miller breaks down as everyone fights. This isn’t love—Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what’s really bothering them. Everyone recognizes the sense in this. Marshall confesses he worries Lily doesn’t think he’s as good a parent as her. Lily admits she has trust issues because of her dad.

Ted tells Victoria he is afraid they will never escape the past. She wants to help Klaus because she’s guilty of her happiness with Ted.

Nick is hurt because he finds Robin so sexy, why does she need the television? She confesses she is watching herself… and he is suddenly okay with it.

Placated, Barney and Quinn go to dispose of their pre-nups, but no one will be the first to throw theirs out. They begin to argue again, and add to the lists, making them huge.

“It should be simpler than this, shouldn’t it?” Quinn says. She asks if Barney trust her. He says no. She says she doesn’t trust him either.

Thus ends Barney and Quinn.

Barney isn’t too upset though. He just realizes he will never trust someone enough to get married.

But is that true? Flash forward to the future, when Barney is getting his work pals geared up for his wedding. Miller asks about a pre-nup, but Barney is okay this time around. Robin comes to get him for lunch and they share a kiss.

And? Miller has his beloved Tugboat back!