'How I Met Your Mother' Season 8, Episode 19: 'The Fortress' Recap

Barney and Robin are just weeks away from tying the knot—but there are some things they haven’t yet worked out.

“Adoption,” Robin says, and they argue about it. But no, it doesn’t work in the crossword.

Robin does mention that they haven’t talked about where they will live yet, and no, she’s not a fan of Barney’s place. Why is the bed on railroad tracks?

Cut to Barney pulling a vase and sending off a girl in the “ho-be-gone” system.

Robin suggests they find a new place together.

Ted helps Marshall with putting Marvin to sleep. Marshall confesses he hasn’t seen much of Lily lately with her new job. Ted tries to cheer him up with the news that a new “Woodworthy Manor” (a “Dowton Abbey” –esque show) is on.

However Marshall said he promised to wait and watch it with his wife—however every time he tries to sit down with her, The Captain calls and sends her off on a new art errand.

Lily comes in wearing giant “glare-reduction lunettes,” aka huge glasses. Marshall asks if they’ll be able to watch “Woodworthy Manor,” and Lily says yes, thrilling him. However The Captain calls. Lily slips on the glasses and she’s off.

Robin asks Barney if he has found a realtor to sell the place yet. He says he has to be careful about giving his apartment to the right person. He’s already sent out a few feelers—cue Ted coming in, and Barney’s holographic floating head greeting him. Ted opens the closet door, cutting off the illusion, but Barney begs him to “just be cool for once.”

Floating head Barney tells Ted that he is passing along the apartment.

“Barney I wouldn’t live in this place even if you scrubbed every inch with Purell, Amoxicillin and holy water.”

When Barney gets ready to show Ted his giant holographic junk, Ted locks him in the closet and leaves.

Robin isn’t thrilled with the story, but as she begins to complain to Barney, he pulls the vase and she disappears into the wall with the bed.

Marshall prepares for a night out—dinner and the ballet—but he gets a last-minute call from Lily, cancelling.

“Get your head out of your ass, Ted, there was no ballet, we were going to sneak into your apartment and bang.”

Ted tempts him with some “Woodworthy Manor,” but Marshall feels like it would be cheating on Lily to watch it without her. Ted “accidentally” turns it on, and tells him to just let it happen.

Barney comes home later in the week to discover that his apartment is in the middle of an open house. Marshall and Ted are there to play characters who are checking out the place. Ted has adopted an accent a la “Woodworthy.” Lily comes in all sophisticated, but when a woman confuses Ted and Marshall for a couple, Marshall goes along with it, irritating her.

Someone looking around the apartment asks about what appears to be a security system—Barney explains it weighs girls at the front door.

Lily is getting increasingly annoyed at Marshall and Ted’s act, especially since Marshall won’t let her have Marvin. Marshall drops that he caught up on “Woodworthy Manor,” and ruins a key plot point for Lily.

Someone comments on the view from the apartment. Barney tells her it’s customizable, so when he promises a romantic getaway, he can throw down a green screen and bring a girl anywhere. Including the Armageddon.

A woman hits on Ted, and tells him if he weren’t gay, she’d be all over him.

Barney displays the escape chute underneath his sink. “The escape from Bitch Mountain.” He also shows off the triggered smoke alarms, set to pour water at words like “I’m late.”

A couple makes an offer, delighting Robin and shocking Barney. Meanwhile Ted and the woman have snuck into the closet and are making out, their holographic heads projected into the living room.

“Trouble in paradise?” Lily asks Marshall.

At the bar, Lily is upset with Marshall for watching the show without her. Marshall has also watched the newest episode without Ted, telling him betrayal stings.

Robin comes in, and Barney tries to make a point about his fortress of solitude. He tells her… eventually… that he’s giving up his apartment for her. She stops him, and tells him how she spoke to the couple ready to buy. They had plans to rip the entire apartment apart. Robin goes into the closet and her giant head kicks them out. They can keep the apartment.

The Captain calls Lily, but she tells him she needs to spend time with her husband. Ted goes to sleep with the woman he met at the showing, who is eager to give him his first experience with a woman.

Everyone drinks tea as they bring Barney and Robin into the joy that is “Woodworthy Manor.” As Ted begins to explain the plot points, the two head down the escape chute. Robin breaks her wrist, but it’s worth it.