'Hell's Kitchen' Season 9, Episode 9 Recap - '9 Chefs Compete'

Can Elise and Carrie possibly play up this rivalry any further? It's gone from juvenile to straight-up childish. Elise actually runs around with a bottle of wine, yelling "Look at me, I'm Carrie!"

For the morning challenge, Chef Ramsay asks the contestants which of them are married, and to my utter shock Elise raises her hand. Who could stand being married to this woman? Less surprising is that Carrie is single...especially after her idea of a "sexy dessert" is to put herself on a plate and drizzle chocolate on herself. Gross.

Sexy desserts are the challenge for the morning, and a pastry chef and Adrien Brody walk in to judge. Oh, wait, he just looks like Adrien Brody. An emo version.

Tommy screws up his dish, and it looks like the teams will be graded with stars today as opposed to going head to head. Tommy gets one star from each judge, further proving that he sucks. Carrie also sucks, getting one star apiece with her crappy blondie, after booting Elise's dessert out of the running.

After a comeback from the blue team, it comes down to Jennifer's bananas foster with the red team having a five point lead. She hits a home run and gets three from each judge, winning it for the team. Elise was looking rather smug after Carrie's dish earned only one point apiece, but when Ramsay calls up her dish, it turns out to be the worst one of them all. So shut up, Elise.

The girls, seemingly to make up for their truly crappy reward last week, get to fly to Las Vegas and stay in a villa. Sadly, they have to fly on Southwest airlines...but anyone would fly coach to stay in the amazing suite that they get at Ceasar's Palace. The girls even get a visit from Holly Madison, and she gives them passes to come back to Vegas with a guest after the conclusion of the show. Best reward ever? Yeah, probably. I would say that the guys would have enjoyed meeting Holly more, but I don't think anyone would have been more excited than Elizabeth, who claims that she's "a huge fan of Playboy." Really?

It's Date Night at Hell's Kitchen, and there are plenty of couples being affectionate on camera. It's sort of hard to believe that anyone in the dining room still has an appetite.

Tommy has that deer in headlights look again, as he seasons his scallops too early. He's told to start over, and then he proceeds to do the exact same thing again. Ramsay tells him to "*$&% off," then tells him to look at him, then tells him to "$*%& off" again. On the other side, it's Carrie who keeps trying to stay in the kitchen while Ramsay tells her to "*$&% off" after burning a piece of fish. Considering Jamie had a hair in one of her dishes, she considers that to be a little unfair.

Ramsay seems a little off tonight. The best he can muster when he kicks Tommy out is "Romantic dinner? More like *%&$ed-up dinner!" Another gem is "Pink carnations? More like pink chicken!" And when Elise serves up a lobster capellini that should have been vegetarian, he leans in close and whispers "Black jacket? You need a strait jacket." And then he kicks her out too.

Rough night both for the contestants and for the insults.

Aw look, that weird-looking couple just got engaged. How cute. Wait, I meant gross.

Ramsay really lays into the red team after service, with an extra special bit of nastiness for Carrie. He calls her a "sandwich girl," and gets her so worked up that her face is the same color as the trim on her coat. It's kind of satisfying. Even better is when Jennifer screams at her for arguing with Ramsay.

The red team nominates Carrie for disrespecting Ramsay and "embarrassing" them as a team. The second nominee is Elise, for having her appetizers sent back and for--surprise surprise--her attitude.

Carrie tries to give an impassioned speech, but sounds pretty desperate. Ramsay says Elise has an ego problem. Durr.

The red team said that they were done with the Carrie and Elise drama. But the producers certainly aren't: Ramsay sends them both back in line, and eliminates Jamie instead. Will put it best: "If what happened to Jamie happened to me, somebody better call security, because I'm not leaving here quietly." Yeah, that was a load of crap. But they can't get rid of Carrie and Elise, can they? Who would they have left to scream at each other all the time?