'Hell's Kitchen' Season 9, Episode 2 '16 Chefs Compete' Recap

Admittedly, as a new watcher of "Hell's Kitchen," I was a bit bewildered by last night's premiere episode. I'm used to the slow-play style of "Celebrity Apprentice" or the filler-ful episodes of "American Idol." The pace and sheer chaos of "Hell's Kitchen" took me by surprise...I mean, they barely even bothered to introduce the contestants. I could name maybe four of them at this point.

But then it hit me: that's the whole point. In Gordon Ramsay's eyes, they don't need names. They don't deserve names. They're scum. They're wannabes. They're the kind of chefs that will burn side dishes 10 times in a row while entrees get cold. They are nothing more than recepticles for Ramsay's increasingly creative insults and stunts.

And I think I'm okay with that.

Take, for example, the way Ramsay chooses to wake up the contestant the next morning. They're bombarded at 5:30am by a kid playing an electric guitar at full volume with amps aimed at their beds. Not as ridiculous as yesterday's empty theater stunt, but still entertaining.

The morning challenge has the contestants cooking four pieces of meat to specific temps: a NY strip at medium rare, a ribeye at medium, a filet medium well, and a burger well done. The ladies have the lead all the way through thanks in part to Krupa's 4-for-4 attempt. But when Elise and Carrie screw up big time (surprise!), the men have a chance. It's all down to Jersey boy Will, who cooked solo due to the short-handed team...and he nails all four, giving the men the win.

Now, for the really beautiful part: the women, as punishment for their loss, must drink (yes, drink) the leftover meat after it gets blended into a meat smoothie. On the HK humiliation scale, that's probably about a 9. It makes their next task, dragging a cow carcass inside and cutting it up, seem like a walk in the park.

Interestingly, none of that is any more gross than Carrie and Brendan shamelessly flirting and then hooking up. Ew.

Somehow, the teams start to get their appetizers out, even though Carrie is somehow screwing up the caesar salad. It looks like she's just pushing lettuce around in a bowl. But even worse off is her cuddle buddy Brendan, who straight-up lies to Ramsay about serving up an old batch of fish that he was supposed to toss.

Just when things are starting to look up for the women, Krupa drops an entire prime rib on the floor. But it's even worse for the men, who get told to "f*** off" by Ramsay after they still fail to send out a single entree. Brendan undercooks the bass, Tommy overcooks the duck, and Chino still can't cook any risotto. Paul says something about "s*** slapped across my face."

The women, meanwhile, are actually doing well in both kitchens, and you can tell Ramsay is pleased since he's reading the tickets slowly and clearly. Also, he's not saying "f*** off."

The men nominate Brendan and Chino to go home. Brendan is smart enough to apologize for lying about the fish, but neither of them are very convincing in stating why they should still be here. Ramsay sends Brendan home. So much for his little fling with Carrie, I guess. He gives her a little shout-out before he leaves. Still gross.