'Hell's Kitchen' Season 10, Episode 1 Recap - '18 Chefs Compete'

Less than one minute into season 10, and we're already treated to a quick clip of Elise from last season. Can we be done with her? Forever? Please?

The season preview promises plenty of contestant-on-contestant fighting. Physically. Like, legit punching and kicking. Why do assault and battery laws not apply in reality TV land?

Meanwhile, the way the intro is edited nearly gives me a seizure, as the editor seems to have taken a tip from the Michael Bay trailer school of film editing. Ouch. My eyeballs.

This year's contestants have to go through the usual embarrassing hazing. Sous chef Scott is there to tell the contestants that if they really want to show their commitment to Chef Ramsay, they should shave their heads like he did. Apparently sous chef Andi shaved hers as well, but I'd bet good money that's a bald wig. A couple of them actually get it done, one guy and one girl, before Ramsay shows up and, with his best acting, says "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

A later reveal shows that the two who got their heads shaved were plants. And yes, Andi was wearing a bald wig. Like just about everything else on this show, that segment was a bunch of overdramatic LIES! LIES!

So, the signature dishes introduce our contestants:

Robyn starts off with a success, and says Ramsay's praise is like the "best orgasm ever." Gross.

Don is from Texas and serves up an extremely spicy dish that Ramsay stomachs but Robyn spits out.

Tiffany does a lamb schnitzel that feels like a wet diaper. She's this year's blonde bimbo.

Guy is a former drill sargeant from Israel, whose dish has a chocolate miso, and is a disaster.

Roshni is probably about 4'10" or so, and serves up a solid dish.

Royce sounds a bit egotistical, and works for a former HK winner. His pan-seared grouper is a hit.

Danielle fails in presentation, losing a point to...

Justin, who impresses Ramsay and doesn't make a big deal about it.

Kimmie has an attitude, you can already tell. Her dish isn't any better than her personality.

Brian serves up a dessert and gets an earful for it. Hey, at least he thinks outside the box.

Barbie fails in her attempt, but is bailed out by...

Chris, who burns his dish and also fails to get a point. Later, he says that it's a "fact" that men cook better than women.

Brianna is a personal chef who impresses Ramsay and is very blonde.

Patrick is an executive chef. What is he doing there?

Dana serves up some scallops, which is a bold move, and it pays off as she cooks them perfectly.

Tayvon is a 22-year-old executive chef who serves up a mess of fettucini and seafood that is too vinegary.

Clemenza is very fat, and sounds like he's dying off on the sides with his death rattle cough. His dish gets praise, but he put on too much truffle oil.

Christina gets a point for her dish, as well as some praise, and ends up getting the winning point.

So the women get to enjoy a steak dinner while the men clean up the kitchens. However, that lets the men hit the books early and study up on the menu, which looks to bite the women in the butt the next day: Brianna can't name a single entree on the menu when Ramsay puts her on the spot. Or, at least, that's what the editor wants us to think.

The dinner services disasters are as follows:

- Roshni screws up her scallops multiple times, and promptly gets kicked out.

- Royce and Guy clash over anchovies, which Royce needs for the salads but Guy forgot to set out. Guy claims that Royce could just go back to the fridge and get them, and calls Royce a "baby." Royce refers to himself in third person.

- Tayvon has a mess of a night, as he sends out raw squab. That's pidgeon, by the way. He also prepped the scallops very poorly, which is the final straw and gets him kicked out of the kitchen. In his talking head segment, he calls Ramsay a "douchebag."

- Christina's wellingtons are raw, preventing the women from sending any entrees out.

So, neither team gets to the entrees, but since the red team actually got some appetizers out, they win the day. The guys make their nominations, and Tayvon is an obvious choice. The other two in discussion are Royce, who blames his problems on Guy, and Don, instead of Royce. The guys somehow decide that Don should go up, even though he didn't cook anything. Ramsay overthrows that decision and puts Tayvon against Royce.

I like Guy's vaguely European snotty attitude. I expect big things from him.

So Tayvon, naturally, is sent home. You don't call Chef Ramsay a douchebag and get away with it.

Ramsay's Insults du Jour:

"You froze? You haven't even f*cking frosted!"

"Crunchy f*cking spaghetti!"

"That's way off my estimate, I would've said dishwasher."

Ramsay's "RAW!" Count: 6