'Game of Thrones' Season 2, Episode 8 Recap - 'The Prince of Winterfell'

This week's episode was a lot of talk and not much fighting, but never fear: the war is coming soon. In the meantime, though: Love! Prisoners! Battle plans! Here are the events of "The Prince of Winterfell," by location:

King's Landing:

Tyrion is busy trying to prepare for the siege, because nobody else seems to want to help. Joffrey is alarmingly overconfident about defeating Stannis, so much so that he claims he'll ride out there and "give him a smile... red one, from ear to ear," indicating his dagger. Oh please, can he? I would be ever so happy if Stannis bashed his face in. Big props to Jack Gleeson, though, for playing this character so brutally well that we hate him this much. His little cocky threat was perfect, so lacking in actual threat as to be funny. Jack Gleeson needs an Emmy nomination.

But so does Peter Dinklage, as Tyrion gets an actual scare this week but has to hide it. Cersei, in retaliation for Tyrion sending her daughter off, tells Tyrion that she has his "little whore" imprisoned, and she will be beaten if Tyrion does anything to Joffrey. Tyrion is horrified, but has to hide his actual affection for Shae, lest he encourage Cersei. Then, Cersei brings said whore in, and it turns out to be poor Ros, to whome Tyrion must now pretend to have affection. The levels of nuance in this scene are incredible. It's like Dinklage is doing a facial ballet.

Bronn gets a nice scene this week too, as he mocks Varys and Tyrion for reading books about sieges when they've never been in one. Something tells me that when the proverbial shit hits the fan, Bronn is going to be very helpful. Then again, isn't he always?

Qarth:

We spend about three minutes here, as Ser Jorah has found a ship but Dany won't leave without her dragons. The sexual tension here is stronger than Valerian steel. At least, it is for Jorah.

North of the Wall:

Speaking of dragons, Samwell & friends find a stone with the mark of the First Men on it, and uncover it to find a pack with dragon glass and an ornate horn. Interesting.

Jon Snow, meanwhile, is brought to the Wildling camp by Ygritte and subsequently spared thanks to her. It looks as though Halfhand is the only other one out of the raiding party who is still alive, which makes Jon feel pretty bad. You know, since this is ENTIRELY his fault because he couldn't bring himself to kill Ygritte. I'm considering an ongoing segment: What Stupid Thing Has Jon Snow Done This Week?

Harrenhal:

Tywin Lannister decides to ride out and execute a sneak attack on Robb, so Arya naturally runs to find Jaqen to give Tywin's name as her third. Unfortunately, she can't find him in time. "A man has patrol duty," he says, defensively. His mysterious way of speaking has less gravity when he's giving alibi's like a cheating husband.

But Arya, being clever as she is, gets an idea: she names Jaqen himself as her third name. Oh snap! Somebody just got Rumplestiltskinned! Jaqen naturally doesn't want to kill himself, so Arya cuts him a deal: "I'll unname you if you help me and my friends escape." A man agrees. A man later kills a bunch of guards very quietly so that a girl and her friends can walk out the gate at midnight. And they do.

Stark Camp:

Robb learns of Catelyn freeing Jamie, and justifiably flips out. Catelyn is now being held under guard 24 hours a day, and Robb sends 80 men after Brienne, who is escorting Jamie back at Catelyn's command (and having a wonderful time of it, of course, since Jamie is so charming).

At least Robb gets a bit of a break by hanging out with Talisa the hot medic, and by hanging out I mean totally doing it. Hey, he may be promised to marry for that bridge, but he ain't married yet.

Winterfell:

Theon is still being a prick, which is amplified when his sister rides in like she owns the place. She gives him an earful about butchering the Stark boys, but also shows at least some degree of caring when she tells him "don't die so far from the sea."

As it turns out, though, Theon didn't really find and kill Bran and his brother; he just took two sons from a farmer and burned them. Arguably more despicable. Osha, Bran and the gang doubled back and went to hide in the crypt, where they will now... plan an attack? Wait it out? Make spooky ghost noises and scare Theon off?

So: Jon Snow's in trouble (when is he not?), Arya's finally in less trouble, and we can all hope that Joffrey is in trouble but that Tyrion isn't.