'Game of Thrones' Season 2, Episode 3 Recap - 'What Is Dead May Never Die'

The happenings, by location, of "What Is Dead May Never Die" (just imagine the little toy buildings from the opening credits popping up as we go).

North of The Wall:

It turns out that Jon Snow and his curly locks are just fine, though the blood streaming down his forehead from Craster's blow is seriously dampening the spring of his curls. Jon reports what he saw to the Commander, who reveals that he knows all about Craster's nasty habit of killing all of his songs (I will now call him Naster Craster). Jon is shocked, but kinda gets that these Wildlings are, well, a bit wild.

Meanwhile, poor Samwell, whose heart is a bit too big for this job, gives Gilly a token that he got from his mother before he left. That's about all for the Wall.

King's Landing:

Tyrion continued his assault on the council, only now he's getting very good at this political trickery game. His brilliant plan this time around (which was very nicely edited together) was to tell Varys, Littlefinger and the Grand Maester (you know, Ol' Shakylegs) that he was going to marry off Princess Marcella to a suitor for political gain... only he told each schemer a different suitor would be involved.

That lead him to discover whom he can trust, and whom he... well, can't. Both Baelish and Varys kept their secrets, but Ol' Shakylegs immediately blabbed to Cersei. Turns out he was spying for the Queen all along, which might explain all that show about being really old and frail. In any case, he's now in a cell, and Tyrion is now a total badass.

Sansa continues to not be a badass, and in fact manages to be a bit of a bitch to Shae, who is sent by Tyrion to hide in plain sight as a handmaiden. Then again, the girl is under a bit of stress, especially when her soon-to-be mother in law is being a bit threatening at the table about marrying Joffrey.

Winterfell:

Time for the semi-weekly Bran checkup! He's still having dreams, and he's pretty convinced that he's one of the fabled magical children who could inhabit animals, since he keeps having dreams where he inhabits animals. However, he is told that he's being totally silly, and that, "The dragons are gone, the giants are dead, and the children of the forest forgotten." One thing though: THE DRAGONS ARE TOTALLY NOT GONE. You do have superpowers, Bran! Believe in yourself!

Pyke:

Theon is still grappling for attention with his sister back home, as his father still thinks he's a bit of a pansy, not to mention a sympathizer with the Starks. But Theon looks to finally win his way back in, as he burns a note that would otherwise warn Robb of an attack from House Greyjoy and then gets a baptism of sorts under the Drowned God (they said the title!).

Storm's End:

Renly still waits in the South, apparently enjoying a lot of duels. The most recent has the massive Brienne of Tarth winning and becoming one of the King's Guard at her own request, which Renly grants. Catelyn also shows up to propose an alliance, which is met with mixed results.

Meanwhile, Renly's sexuality is explored even further now that he has Marjorie as his queen. He has some... performance anxiety, but Marjorie is pretty well aware of what the issue is, and is pretty level-headed about it. As far as she's concerned, getting pregnant is the important part (one way or another).

The Road to The Wall:

The encampment awaits the return of the guards from King's Landing, and sure enough they do show up, but only after a very nicely acted scene from Francis Magee as Yoren. Yoren then fends off the guards as best as he can, but eventually falls, and the kids are taken. Luckily, one dumb kid decided to run off with Gendry's helmet, and got stabbed in the neck. Arya, ever quick on her feet, tells the guards that they just killed Gendry, so everything's cool.

Unfortunately, it looks like Arya might be heading back to King's Landing if she's not careful. So on the trouble count: Arya's in trouble, Robb's in trouble unless Theon has a change of heart, Renly's chances of reproducing are in trouble, and anyone who isn't on Tyrion's side is in pretty serious trouble of being thrown in a cell or exhiled. Booyah.