Floyd Mayweather: Jail Hurting Boxer's Physique

Floyd, it's jail, you jack-hole. It's supposed to suck.

I wish on every star in the sky that our society of entitlement hadn't sunk so low, that someone would actually petition the American legal system over this. And yet, here we are: TMZ reports that undefeated multi-division boxing champion Floyd Mayweather has petitioned to be released from the Clark County Detention Center and allowed to serve his sentence's remainder under house arrest, because jail is keeping him from staying in shape.

Once we get the horse back in front of the cart, please, somebody run Mayweather over with it before backing it over him and hitting him again.

Keep in mind, Mayweather is the one who has a little trouble with the concept that the Nevada State Athletic Commission's sanctioning of his beatings ends outside the boxing ring, and never extends to beating his girlfriends. He's serving an 87-day jail sentence in the first place as part of a domestic-abuse plea deal. This jail sentence was a concession in order for prosecutors to drop the felony battery charge he faced.

Keep also in mind, the court already granted a postponement of his sentence so that he could keep a May 5 fight date with Miguel Cotto.

Finally, remember that Mayweather's "house arrest" would be served likely at his palatial estate to opulent as to make some lesser Saudi oil mavens whistle and say, "DAMN, son!"

Ladies and gentlemen, he's been given an inch, and now thinks he's owed the entire Vegas Strip. The cart is so far ahead of the horse at this point, that the horse has given up, wandered off and is shitting in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard.

Mayweather is currently bitching that he spends 23 hours a day in protective isolation, and that his doctors have become worried about the poor, put-upon, woman-beating baby's "dehydrated appearance, his lack of muscle tone and his dry mucus membranes." Moreover, they've "expressed deep concern for [Floyd's] health and explained that any lengthy period of time with an inappropriate diet, coupled with lack of regular exercise, will most likely lead to irreversible damage to Mr. Mayweather's physique."

Hmm.

Michael Vick served time in Leavenworth, and worked his ass off enough after his release to resume a role as a starting NFL quarterback. Mike Tyson spent several years behind bars, and was able to train hard enough after his release to resume a career as a top-ranked heavyweight.

Let's set aside for a moment that, unlike Mayweather, both owned up to their dumb-f**kery and acquiesced to deserving some hard time for what they'd done.

According to Mayweather's doctor, the fighter is used to consuming 3,000-4,000 calories per day and is now taking in about 800. There's a hearing scheduled Thursday to hear out the request.

Here's a diatribe I pray that hearing at some point includes.

"It's jail, moron. It's supposed to suck. It's supposed to suck badly enough, that upon your release, you'll go out of your way to never find yourself back here. Aww, poor baby. Did your woman-beating get in the way of your fighting career? That's not even remotely our problem. You've been bent over backwards for to a ridiculous degree already. This scenario, and the idea so simple for everybody else to grasp that beating people is against the law outside a boxing ring, should've probably entered your delusional little mind before you threw the first blow at your girlfriend."