Episode 'American Idol' Season 10, Episode 35 - Two Finalists Compete (Season Finale) Recap

The intro, complete with words set in front of super-mysterious smoke, remind us that we're watching the finale. Thanks guys, I was confused about where I was. But even without that intro, we would know that it's a special night. Why? Seacrest is wearing a tuxedo. Fancy.

Seacrest notes that this is the youngest finale match-up ever. I'll add that it's probably going to also be the most boring. Seriously, when Haley went home I fell into a deep depression, knowing that I would have to recap an all-country "American Idol" finale. So thanks for that, America.

The news before the show that Lauren had lost her voice is briefly addressed, but she seems fine. Is she Ashlee Simpson-ing it up?

Whatever. I hate both of them. In fact, in lieu of recapping the actual action, I'm just going to do impressions of Scotty and Lauren. Here goes:

"Uhhh, I'm Scotty. I hold my microphone like an idiot. I'm going to win this competition based purely on the fact that I make teenage girls faint from screaming."

Okay, I've been informed by my editor that I need to do the actual recap or I'll be fired. Let's get back to it.

Scotty (Favorite Pick):

Scotty starts off with "Gone," his favorite song from the season, going first as he deferred to Lauren after winning the coin toss. What a charming southern gentlemen. I'm being tricked into rooting for him already.

The performance goes well as you might imagine...after all, Scotty's done this one before. Thankfully, it's an upbeat number and not one of those slow crooners.

Lauren (Favorite Pick):

Lauren goes with "Flat on the Floor" for her favorite song, a good choice as it's one of few songs that was actually fun and energetic that she performed this season.

She's bringing the same attitude, but her worn-out voice is really affecting the performance. I guess she really messed it up today after all. It almost adds a little more color and character to her voice, but it's also pretty clearly limiting her range. Boy, did she pick the wrong day for it.

Scotty (Mentor Pick):

George Strait, whom Scotty named as his music idol, chose "Check Yes or No" for Scotty to sing. That's right, George Strait had the entire history of music to choose from, and he chose one of his own songs for Scotty. Not only that, but a completely un-challenging one.

Of course, Scotty sounds fine singing it. It's right in his range, and he doesn't have to move around much. Kind of a yawner, though. Did the conversation with George go like this?

AI: "George Strait, this is the 'American Idol' producers. We need you to choose a song for Scotty McCreery"

GS: "Who?"

AI: "Scotty McCreery? One of the finalists on "American Idol?"

GS: "Never heard of him."

AI: "Oh. Okay. Can he sing 'Check Yes or No?'"

GS: "Sure. Whatever."

Lauren (Mentor Pick):

"Maybe It Was Memphis" is Carrie Underwood's pick for Lauren. See, George, that's a Pam Tillis song. Carrie has an ounce of humility.

Lauren sounds a little better this time around, maybe because the song is a little less taxing for her. She still gets a little wispy here and there, but she's recovering from those breaks nicely. It's hard to say if she's doing them on purpose or not.

Now we go to the judges to get their opinions, because they're so important. Sorry, sarcasm doesn't come across in text very well. How about this: because they're soooooooooooo important.

Randy says nothing helpful about anything, gives the edge to Scotty in the first round and Lauren in the second round. J.Lo agrees, and notes that the George Strait song wasn't very dynamic. Steven makes a joke that makes little sense, and then gives Lauren his vote because she's prettier than Scotty. That might be the first intelligent thing he's said this year.

Taio Cruz is up next to lip-sync along with an auto-tuned track. At least his drummers look cool. Seriously, did his track just cut out and he decided to start singing? It seems like he keeps forgetting that the chorus is coming. By the way, that song was called "Positeeve," not "Posititve."

Scotty (New Single):

Scotty's hand-tailored single is called "I Love You This Big." At least, I think that's what Jimmy said. Anyway, it's a slow crooner that sounds like every other country song ever written.

Those girls they got to robotically sway their arms up front seem to like it, though. Kidding, they look bored as hell. One of them actually--I swear to god--rested her arms on the stage in the middle of the first chorus! She couldn't get through 60 seconds of arm-swaying? "This is soooo harrrrrrrd!"

Anyway, it was a nice song if you're into that sort of thing. His family is in tears. I am too. Not because of the song, because of boredom. Jennifer says that he's a great storyteller, and took a song that nobody had heard before and made it work.

Lauren (New Single):

"Like My Mother Does" is the name of Lauren's song, and Jimmy says that "moms are the bedrock of society" and almost even manages to keep a straight face.

It's another slow song, which is exactly why I really didn't want the Country Twins to be in the final. I'm sure those arm-swayers are just as un-thrilled about it too. Lauren steps down and sings to her mom, which would be cute if Lauren's mom didn't always look so aware about the fact that she's on camera.

Everyone goes nuts, and Randy gives what is quite possibly the most overblown speech in the history of this show. J.Lo thinks Lauren might have just won on that one. Lauren cries upon hearing that, which is better reaction than nodding in agreement I suppose.

Randy gives the edge to Lauren, J.Lo can't choose (nice judging, judge), and Steven says it's Lauren "hands down." Scotty is completely nonplussed by all of this. It's as if he doesn't know where he is.

David Cook sends us off with his version of "Don't You Forget About Me," which is only the millionth time we've heard this song so far.

So, there you have it. Lauren, despite a tired voice, seemed to win everyone over by singing about her mom. Even though Scotty was technically better, she might win the vote. We'll find out tomorrow in the 18-hour second part of the finale.