Eight Times Your Pleasure: Octomom Making A Very Special Video

We need an adult here.

What a difference less than a day makes. The ink on Nadya "Octomom" Suleman's bankruptcy papers has barely dried this past 24 hours, and someone is already offering her a helping hand.

The low, low price? Simple dignity, TMZ reports. Be warned, folks: the "dignity" with which she would pay that price is, by this point, about as valid a currency as a Sharpie-drawn billion-dollar bill witch Scrooge McDuck on the face.

TMZ claims that the mother of 14 best known for birthing octuplets has signed on the dotted line to break into film - and by film, we mean "masturbate on camera." Let us know if the brain bleach runs low. We buy in bulk.

Just how much will this make the bankrupt baby-cannon? TMZ doesn't have those details yet - oh, you know they eventually will, just sit tight - but the reported deal with an online adult entertainment company is allegedly worth "a lot more than the $10,000 she made for posing topless."

Though she vowed she would never make a porno, Suleman claims that this doesn't count as fudging on that pledge. Since it's merely self-pleasure, she reportedly doesn't consider it "porn" by definition.

The 36-year-old Suleman filed the Los Angeles Superior Court papers Monday. She claims an inability to meet her bills' obligations, around $1 million in liabilities, $50,000 in assets and debt estimated around $500,000. Her mixed bag of creditors presently include owner of her La Hambra home Amir Haddadin, Orkin Pest Control, Kaiser Permanete, the California Department of Motor Vehicles, Sparkletts Bottled Water, Verizon Wireless, DirecTV and Sylvan Learning Center.

"This is something I had to do because I have made poor decisions," Suleman told The Huffington Post's Naughty But Nice Rob. "I have regrets but can't focus on them, I have to focus on moving forward. I have been dancing around all day with my kids. They have no idea about what is going on."

"Regrets?"

Honey, your regrets have only begun.