It Doesn't Kick, It Fist-Pumps: Snooki Is Pregnant

See, kids? This happens when you smush unprotected.

With the next "Jersey Shore" season already in the can and a spinoff with JWoww in the works, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's next major project will apparently be seeking out matching animal-print onesie/diaper combos and a way to spray-tan an infant. Yep, the fun-size MTV star is reportedly pregnant, according to a combination of The New York Post, The Washington Post and E! News' Marc Malkin.

(I've always wanted to source those three outlets on the same story.)

The 24-year-old reality star is reportedly about three months along with the child of boyfriend Jionni LaValle, according to The New York Post's report. Polizzi's representative didn't directly confirm the rumor with People, but The Washington Post report claims that Malkin got confirmation from an unnamed source himself.

yes, it's true. SNOOKI IS PREGNANT!!! mazel tov!!! source just confirmed the ny post story with me.

— Marc Malkin (@marcmalkin) February 29, 2012

The New York Post claims that with all the inevitable new-found attention - because she absolutely needed more - Polizzi plans to "bankroll her new mommy-to-be status into becoming 'the next Kourtney Kardashian'."

Yep, it's hit that point: a Kardashian is somebody's positive role model. And not the dead that in life was a successful attorney, either.

Never forget, kids: one day, this is what "Mommy" or Auntie JWoww will be showing that baby. "Look what Mommy did before she had you!"

It'll make a lot of things make sense, future Snooki-baby. Trust us.