'Dancing With The Stars' Season 13, Episode 8 Recap

And then, there were nine.

Welcome back, everybody. We’re four weeks and three eliminated pairs deep into the 13^th “Dancing with the Stars” season on ABC and it’s getting testing my will not asking myself “So are the judges there for a reason?”

Two weeks running, Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer’s scores haven’t crept past 20, keeping them firmly at the bottom of the pile. Two weeks running, someone else who danced a much better dance went home.

Will the week the nine remaining pairs take to the floor dancing to Hollywood’s most memorable scores be the week Bono and Schwimmer get a little footloose and climb out of the basement, or just another week when sentimentality and likeability carry their day?

Well, if it’s any sign at all which it might be, the pair entered the ballroom during the main introductions decked out in red boxing robes. Yep, invoking “Rocky.” They go there. They do know Rocky Balboa earned every inch, didn’t they? They have actually seen a “Rocky” movie, right? Because at this point, the mercy passes are starting to make them look a little more like Mick booking Balboa against pushovers to protect him from the fool-pity-worthy “Rocky III” whupping Clubber Lang would dole out.

Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani’s Week Three rumba to Phillips’ early 90s Wilson Phillips hit “Hold On” celebrated her sobriety and break from depression, Phillips innate grace mesmerized the judges and the pair tied for second on the Leader Board. This week, Dovolani would put together a smoldering tango to the “Mission: Impossible” theme that scorched the earth beneath the pair’s shoes.

“It was such a shock when Kristin went. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little stressed,” Phillips said. As it starts getting questionable whether this will really remain a “dance” competition much longer, it’s a tough sell blaming her.

“I’m so anxious to get the dance move, that sometimes, I get in Tony’s way of and not allow him to teach it to me,” Phillips said during rehearsals.

Theatrics, ahoy! Dovolani actually repelled down from the ceiling to the floor for the theme’s first few measures and met with the sultry Phillips. Whatever held Phillips back during rehearsals, she left it behind the moment she and Dovolani touched and welcomed back the judges’ beloved temptress – though Phillips looked visibly disappointed with herself as the number ended after spots where she looked visibly confused.

“The challenge is for the professionals, because they’ve got to show off the character of the dance but still maintain the flavor of the film,” explained Len from the start. “You got it just about right. You lost it, you didn’t know where you were, you panicked. Unfortunately, there were a lot of mistakes. I’m sorry, Chynna.”

“You wanted to do it so badly, you lost the thread,” said Bruno. “What little you did was beautiful.” The pair will have to make due with a 21 and hope the strength of their first three weeks buffets this week’s slip.

Batting second and bowing to “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” with a paso doble, it was Kym Johnson and David Arquette, who gains a little more confidence with every week he lets his combustible natural energy flow forth with increasing control and focus.

In rehearsal, Arquette looked his most comfortable yet at first but seemingly couldn’t find his feet once Johnson started teaching the steps. Johnson reminded Arquette that if last week should’ve taught him nothing else, it should’ve shown that the only sure thing is that there is no sure thing.

“That was one of the best dances last week, and (Cavallari and Mark Ballas) left,” Johnson chided as Arquette’s frustration mounted. “Let’s just go out there and do it for ourselves.”

Arquette’s bullwhip cracks were as sharp as his moves. He exhibited grace few would’ve guessed off-hand the exuberant jokester possessed and though their ending posed showed a small slilp at the end, the crowd came alive.

“David saves the day!” Carrie Ann said. “Suddenly this week, there’s this incredible amount of bravado underneath your dancing . . . I loved every minute of it.”

Len described it as “all ‘Temple Of Doom’” to the boos that usually accompany his more stringent marks. Predictably, his score was the “7” sandwiched between two “8s,” giving the pair a 23 that keeps them off the very bottom.

Entering the ballroom third, it was former “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” star Carson Kressley and pro Anna Trebunskaya paying a Viennese waltz homage to “Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl.”

“Pirates are basically guys running around in tight pants and open shirts looking for jewelry,” Kressley said. “I think I can handle that.”

To give their routine flair, Trebunskaya brought in a sword-fighting consultant with a couple Kendo sticks to help teach the pair some simple swashbuckling for theatrics’ sake. Like Arquette, Kressley once more didn’t so much dampen or contain his flamboyant charisma as focus and direct it. Trebunskaya’s campy number showcased Kressley’s ability to dance big but with control and fine timing when he’s “on” (which not every step of the routine was) with Trebunskaya moving like an extension of Kressley’s own arm.

“It was like being on the ride a little bit. This is your most butch performance,” Carrie Ann said, though she added that Kressley presented a “conundrum” when weighing his crowd-pleasing flair against technique that sometimes falters.

You mean this is a dance competition? No s$%&?

“It’s terrible while it’s happening and a joy when it’s over,” Len said to his most audible boos yet. “It was great fun and if I was at home, I’d be phoning for you.” Len’s “6” and two “7s” limited the pair to a 20 that might or might not carry them forward.

Dancing the night’s second paso doble, it was time for Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus to shine. It’s been unfortunate that the focus of blogs and stories about Grace’s run have had little to nothing to do with her dancing, though she seemingly puts forth as much if not more effort into improving week-in and week-out as any celebrity competitor.

First, it was a controversy over whether her nipple popped free from her dress at the close of her Week Two quick step (Grace maintains it didn’t.) Last week, some bloggers apparently could find little more to write about concerning her performance than – I kid you not – whether or not Grace farted during her post-critique interview.

Coming in second from the bottom last week, Grace and MacManus were going after a Queen song from “Flash Gordon,” with MacManus showing up at a taping of Grace’s cable talk show to tell her “I’ve been watching your show; everything you’re doing on your show, that’s what I need this week . . . all the attitude, all the presence that you’ve shown.”

In rehearsal, MacManus finally channeled Grace’s fire and intensity into their routine, and the blaze was stoked by the time the pair hit the floor. Grace might lack the natural athleticism of Martinez or Phillips, but the pair tried making up for it with big, punctuated movements and the trace of Grace’s natural bullish attitude that’s been missing thus far.

“Your dancing is competent, but I can’t get excited because it’s not exciting,” Len said, noting that their dancing lacked “expression.”

“Nancy, you’ve got to become a ball-breaker out here. Don’t hide behind anything,” Bruno encouraged, begging that Grace “kick the men in the balls.”

Carrie Ann stepped up.

“You have really solid technique . . . there’s never any hesitation,” she said. “You need to connect more with the audience.” The routine overall was good enough for a 21, not a score that really set them apart.

At the halfway point of the show, it was time for World Cup goalie Hope Solo and pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy to see if they could have a break-out performance that finally balances Solo’s athleticism with timing and grace that haven’t quite come together four weeks into the competition.

The “sexy minx” as Bruno dubbed her clashed at times with taskmaster Maks as he drilled her over their foxtrot to Randy Newman’s Oscar-nominated “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” from Disney’s “Toy Story.”

“Maks and I are like two fireballs. We butt heads a lot in rehearsals,” Solo said. “One of my biggest downfalls on the soccer field or on the dance floor is that I want to think everything through. I want to keep working on it, he wants to back off.”

“Do exactly and only what I tell you,” Maks said. “Trust me, I won’t let you go out there and look bad.”

Solo hasn’t lacked energy a moment since the competition began, but the grace is finally catching up and the pair seem like they’re jelling.

“You’re so nice, Maks. When you’re nice, she’s nice,” Bruno exclaimed.

Carrie Ann was on the same page.

“This show is about beating our expectations and giving us something we’re not expecting. You did just that,” she said.

Then there was Len.

“You could go all the way in this competition,” Len told a beaming Solo. “The more you polish in the rehearsal room, the more you shine on this floor.” She’s got every reason to smile: the pair came away with a 24 that up to that point led all other couples.

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke have kept improving through a combination of Burke’s gentle encouragement and Kardashian’s commitment, and this week, the pair trotted out a paso doble to the theme to the Christopher Reeve-era “Superman” films.

“Clark Kent is shy and nerdy, I’m shy, not so much nerdy,” Kardashian explained. “But I’ve gotta transform myself into this masculine, arrogant guy.”

“Rob is working harder than ever to the point he even corrects me sometimes when I mess up,” Burke said.

Kardashian set out this season to surpass his sister Kim’s three-week stint on the show. After this week’s macho and confident doble, it may be time watcher start wondering whether the most anonymous Kardashian could win the whole damn thing. This was a brand new Rob that moved without a shred of hesitation.

“There’s something about you move that’s very steady, that’s the way a man should move in the ballroom,” Carrie Ann said.

Then there was Len.

“When you were walking around, it was like you were a waiter giving out hors d’oeuvres,” he said. “But I liked it.” He must’ve: the pair notched three “8s” for a solid 24 that may let Kardashian keep reaching for higher ground another week.

Third from last, it was pro Derek Hough and the woman that might be the surprising sleeper pick to sneak deep into the competition, Ricki Lake. Three weeks of continued improvement notwithstanding, Lake’s frustration started showing during rehearsals of the pair’s tango to a selection from the score to the shower-stabbing scene in “Psycho.”

“The time signatures and phrasing change constantly,” Hough said of the challenges of choreographing the number. The two had visible challenges getting on the same page between Lake struggling with the tango and staving off panic and Hough’s own challenging selection.

“I want to quit, and I’m not a quitter,” Lake said. Challenging though it was, the pair exhibited sharply timed and punctuated movement and seemed they’d conquered their timing issues and gotten easily onto the same page with every motion.

Carrie Ann visibly mouthed “Wow” as the number ended. Then again, throughout this week’s show, she hadn’t been the judge to sweat.

“You’re like the U.S. Mail, you always deliver,” Len told Ricki. “Top of the Leader Board? I think so.”

“This was a blockbusting performance, worth of three sequels!” exclaimed the ever-exuberant Bruno.

“Brilliance in the ballroom,” Carrie Ann said. The pair’s flawless tango earned surprising perfect “10s” from Carrie Ann and Bruno and a “9” from Len for an impossible-to-beat 29. I’m calling it here and now: Lake and J.R. Martinez will square off in the finals.

Then it was Bono time.

It’s been inspiring how Bono has kept on pushing through severe joint pain in his right ankle and knee and coming in arguably the heaviest of the competitors. There is clearly no “quit” in him, especially not with his mother Cher watching on from the audience this week. That’s absolutely to be admired.

But when one of a week’s best dances gets a couple sent home while Bono takes home his pair’s second-lowest score of the season and the judges call his dance the weakest of the three he’s danced so far, it raises questions about whether there needs to be some Metacritic-like system for weighing the judges’ scores with fan preferences. Without it, seasons like this barely become a competition about “dance” anymore.

Especially when during the results, Schwimmer looked as stunned as anybody that the two passed.

The pair put together a paso doble to Bill Conti’s iconic “Rocky” theme “Gotta Fly Now,” from what Bono called one of his first favorite movies and for him, an inspirational underdog story.

Schwimmer called in “old friend” Richard Simmons to help not only further motivate and drive Bono, but to help him work through the joint pain that’s been limiting how she’s had to choreograph routines around what the author and activist can’t do . . . complete with a hammed-up, schtick-laced training montage.

Bono looked noticeably more spry this week and found a little of his flair again mixed with his ever-present likability. But it still looked like Schwimmer was doing more to make up for what Bono can’t do. I think Lake is the real “Rocky” comparison because she’s shocking everyone with how good she’s really turned out to be. I keep getting the feeling it’s Schwimmer’s choreography that protects Bono more than makes him shine.

“No matter how many knocks you take, you keep coming back, you keep fighting, and you keep getting stronger,” Bruno said.

“Somehow, you get under my skin and you make me root for you,” exclaimed Carrie Ann.

Not a single comment on technique so far, mind you. Just “inspiration” and “courage.”

Then there was Len.

“It wasn’t exactly a knockout performance, but it was your best dance to date,” he said. With a competition-high for the pair 21, we’ll see if the pair get another pass this week.

J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff probably won’t be headed home anytime soon. The pair danced a moving tribute the previous week to Martinez’s fellow soldiers who never made it home that left not a dry eye in the house. This week, it was a foxtrot to the theme from “The Pink Panther.”

“This week, I want to make sure my technique is that much better so I can stay in the competition,” Martinez said.

“I think he has the potential to go all the way,” said Smirnoff, who rode Martinez hard to nail every precise movement.

It paid. Martinez was metronome-steady, silky-smooth and just a little comedic, and he and Smirnoff danced together like they’d been cutting a rug with one another for years, not weeks. They just look like they’re having a genuine blast every time they hit the floor together.

“The technique is all there. For some reason, this performance fell a little flat for me,” Carrie Ann said.

Then there was Len.

“This was the best male dancer of the night,” Len said. “You just gave it a little tweak of humor, which I enjoyed.” To close out the night, Martinez and Smirnoff tallied a 26 to keep them nipping at Lake and Hough’s heels.