'Dancing With The Stars' Season 13, Episode 4 Recap

Hello, and welcome to "Recapping With The Stars," all the low-down of the latest season of "The Bachelorette," but now with 90-percent less snark-by-volume.

We're a week into this 13th season and so far, Ron Artest knows that he'll be seeking some other way to fill the hours until the NBA lockout ends and he resumes his day job helping the L.A. Lakers seek another championship.

For everybody else, there's still a Mirrorball Trophy to be won or lost.

As suggested, this won't be quite like this past summer's "Bachelorette" reviews because truth be told, I actually like this concept.

It's drama-free competition, there's been little (if any, that I can recall) producer meddling that cheap acrimony for ratings sake and dance actually takes an underestimated degree of sharp physical conditioning and coordination. I've never watched a full season but also tracked the results. Running down the action each week should be fun.

That being said, we're one couple down, with 11still standing.

Contestants learned either a quick step or jive within under a week, and veteran U.S. Women's World Cup goalie Hope Solo and pro partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy led off trying to top a Viennese waltz that left them last week only a point off the lead.

Solo experienced some hitches in training with the differences between her instinctive soccer footwork and what she learned was the counter-intuitive (for her, anyway) motions of the jive.

On paper, Solo was one of my early favorites to take the season mostly because professional athletes' natural coordination and quick learning curves usually carry them far. Honestly, athletes and any celebrity with some extensive background or another - or, in the case of premiere-season runner-up Stacy Keibler, being a WWE Diva and former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader - just seem like the most natural fits to take it all.

Solo and Chmerkovskiy's step to Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" got a timing "tsk" or two from the judges for Solo being a little off-step and some nags to really focus during rehearsal, and saw them slip to a 19 from their waltz's 21.

Pro Mark Ballas and "The Hills" MTV alum Kristin Cavalarri got the pleasure of following Solo's step, after the previous week's passable cha-cha. Ballas urged Cavallari to refine a little grace and elegance for this week's quickstep to "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" instead of letting a certain natural cuteness carry the day. Ballas complimented Cavallari's rhythm as the two worked to fine-tune her timing. By performance time, Cavallari was in full-on Marilyn Monroe get-up and looked indeed like rehearsal had paid dividends. The trio of judges were struck by her energy and Old-Hollywood spectacle, but urged her to not let her exuberance overwhelm the grace of her movements. Cavallari and Ballas will have to be happy this week with praise for improvement and a score of 22.

Batting third: comic actor and ex-Mr. Courtney Cox David Arquette and pro Kym Johnson. Arquette's Viennese waltz was admittedly racked with the funny-man's nerves, but in rehearsals, the "Scream" co-star and ex-World Championship Wrestling Champion looked more in his element working the energy of a footloose and fancy-free jive, though Johnson had to be a taskmaster drilling his "frantic" footwork.

"The music's too fast and you don't have a chance to think," Johnson explained to us.

Arquette got frustrated, but stuck it out. "I will not let it defeat me," he said.

Performance-time rolled around, and suddenly, Arquette looked right at home - right down to a slick slide between Johnson's pins. Once more, the judges praised Arquette's sudden explosion of enthusiasm, but as Johnson probably feared, noted that his technique so far leaves much to be desired - even if the line seemed to be that Arquette had shifted from nervously stiff, to so energetic, he came frantic. Here's hoping that the crowd booing the judges' scores suggests a mercy pass this week, because the pair's 18 puts them at the bottom of the totem pole this week.

Italian model, actress and ex-George Clooney squeeze Elisabetta Canalis and partner Val Chmerkovskiy had the task of keeping themselves out from beneath Arquette and Johnson, though rehearsals suggested that Canalis made Chmerkovskiy's teaching task more difficult when the beauty went more than a little "diva" during the week's practices.

Canalis complained constantly about Chmerkovskiy's critiques, and Val in turn questioned her work ethic, leading to Canalis seemingly practicing her storm-off almost as frequently as the quick step. Ah, but then along came the Pretenders' "Don't Get Me Wrong" and it all came together in a gleeful, graceful and simpatico performance with Canalis looking nimble and natural. An overall 21 keeps the pair off the basement floor, and probably still in the mix.

"Keeping Up With The Kardashians" sibling Rob Kardashian allegedly hacked off partner Cheryl Burke by displaying precious little work ethic during rehearsals, despite abundant smack-talk that he would outdo sister Kim's performance in which she was bounced by the competition's third week. Like they did with Arquette, the judges told Kardashian that his Viennese waltz looked overly stiff, and Kardashian admittedly came into rehearsing the jive this week "scared as hell."

Burke was patient and sensitive with Kardashian's admitted misgivings about being over 200 pounds and admittedly not on par with his partner's - or any pro's - conditioning. However, she showed a sincere desire that he step out from his family's massive shadow and shine solo.

"Don't be afraid to be great," Burke told him during rehearsals.

Well, if it's energy one needs, "Surfin' Safari" would be the song. Kardashian looked more out-of-his-shell than he had the previous week, and the judges took notice, with it even being declared by Carrie Ann "It's official! Rob Kardashian is a better dancer than Kim Kardashian!" Hardly a trace of criticism was offered, plenty of encouragement was heaped on Kardashian's new shine and the pair walked away with a solid 21.

Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya were on a mission to improve an energetic but technique-lacking cha-cha from the first week, and if ever there was a dance for the former "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" fashion sensei to pour his boundless energy into, it's the quick step. In practice, it was once more Trebunskaya's challenge to get his soul and his feet on the same page. Luckily for Trebuskaya, he was nothing if not a driven, enthusiastic, undaunted student.

Kressley successfully harnessed his inner electricity and displayed sharpened technique in a retro, 1950s themed number. Carrie Ann found Kressley a little "wobbly" but was glad he still looked like he enjoyed himself. Bruno praised Kressley's work but said it looked like he was "dancing on banana skins." Unfortunately, the pair is now dueling at the bottom with the night's second 18.

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough displayed chemistry to spare with their Viennese waltz and earned a 20 the previous week. This week, Lake had to pair her admitted charisma with stepped-up physical demands on her conditioning. "My body is not in its early 20s anymore," Lake said.

The May-December pair hit the floor to Outkast's "Hey Ya!" and once more, the two moved as one with Lake seemingly mooching a little of her partner's more youthful physicality. By the performance's end, the talk show host looked like she couldn't believe she'd just danced so young. Bruno emphatically stood to tell Lake that she and Hough were the first pair to have done the jive's signature kicks and flicks correctly.

Carrie Ann dubbed it "Best jive of the night so far!" Lake can now celebrate both having lost an admitted 12 inches off her waist in three weeks, and an impressive 23 that keeps them far off the back of the pack.

Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer were next to bring on their quick step, and Bono's big frame struggled to keep up with his more than willing spirit while rehearsing the pair's highly aerobic step. Bono was a trooper, but it was disconcerting that the rehearsal camera crew's boom mics could pick up his knees' audible crackles and pops as he and Schwimmer took a breather. Schwimmer herself even seemed alarmed. Out of Schwimmer's concern for preventing Bono injuring himself, the pair reduced their routine's flashier points, kept his knees coated with ointment and bandages, and the duo soldiered onward.

"I feel like I've disappointed Lacey. I feel horrible," Bono said.

The two danced to a rendition of "Love Is All Around" that was absolutely more Joan Jett's cover than Mary Tyler Moore flinging her hat into the air, and Bono's limited mobility was impossible to ignore, even with his beaming smile and Schwimmer's movement. Bruno likened it to "a little Ewok dancing with Princess Leia" and deemed it "cute," but couldn't ignore how limited their step was stacked up against other routines. Still, he said, it wasn't bad for what Bono had to work with.

Like former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Chuck Liddell before him, Bono might end up hoping that personality can keep carrying the day in voting because he and Schwimmer had to settle for a week-low 17, though Len's "5" received a smattering of live boos.

Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani led the first week with a 22, and Phillips looked absolutely on-fire during rehearsals and ready to keep her and Dovolani's co-leads. "Chynna expects to get steps right away, and she's a little hard on herself," Dovolani said. Phillips looked like she'd been dancing the jive for years, never missing a graceful swing or slide, but the three judges met boos at accusations that the pair played it a little safe and didn't let out the step's natural sauciness. Still, they couldn't have disappointed that much, since the pair pulled out a 21 from Len, Bruno and Carrie Ann.

Len told former prosecutor and current controversial cable news pundit Nancy Grace that her cha-cha step last week with partner Tristan MacManus lacked "flair and attack" but the pair hoped they could rebound this week with a solid upbeat number. "The quick step is so fast and lively, you don't have time to think," Grace mused headed into the week's rehearsals. But think too much she did, looking confused as a labrador working out an algebra problem as MacManus tried to get her acclimated to just how fleet of foot she'd have to be Monday night.

At one point, after MacManus demonstrated a sequence, the conversation just got bizarre when he asked that Grace try the move solo.

"No," she said.

"Show me," MacManus answered.

"No," she said.

"I want you to show me."

"No."

"You've done it enough times, I want you to show me."

"No."

"Well, you're going to show me."

"No."

That's the actual back-and-forth sequence.

Grace teared up in frustration and ended up apologizing profusely to MacManus. MacManus, instead, apologized for being too hard on Grace following the cha-cha.

The two were grooving right along to "It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)" with Grace displaying a little more confidence than the previous week, though Grace's nipple briefly popped free in a moment that host Tom Bergeron consoled her "on the European version, would be perfectly fine."

The slip was also deftly censored in full-episode stream posted later to ABC.com.

Grace buried her head in MacManus' chest when Len led off his critique with "How refreshing!" He was referring, of course, to breaking some of the rules of the step at the beginning and end of the routine, though ultimately emphatically praised the routine as being a very proper quick step. Bruno praised her new energy and confidence, along with a cheeky joke about the routine being "top-heavy." Carrie Ann noted that she feels MacManus and Grace are making "an incredible team." When all was said and done, the pair settled for a satisfactory 21 that had Grace beaming.

Ending the show were Karina Smirnoff and soap star/Iraq War vet J.R. Martinez, hoping they could hold on to their previous week's co-lead, or maybe even take over sole possession of it. Martinez admittedly is the least well-known of the celebrity contestants, but said he'd make up for it with his energy. Martinez had his shre of slip-ups in rehearsals, but never appeared even the least bit daunted dancing to Louis Prima's "Jump, Jive An' Wail." Their timing was spot-on, the movements energetic and smooth from "Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail . . ." to papa in the icebox, lookin' for his can of ale, and the standing ovation that followed.

The crowd hardly settled down long enough for Bruno to start his critique with "J.R., you were born to dance!" Carrie Ann loved it, though she admittedly took off a point for throwing in a verboten lift. Len complained that "what was on the label wasn't what was in the tin," because he said the two did a Lindy-hop instead of a jive - to which, the crowd predictably booed and let him know that whatever he said, there was probably a snowball's chance in Hell that Karina and J.R. would be headed home. Ultimately, the two landed a 22, the week's second-highest score.

One recap montage later, we're off to await Tuesday night's results show.